Cl. Misconception 7: Catching Up

News from the "Galactic Post" and "The Space Merchant Reporter" and "News Control"
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Alexis
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Cl. Misconception 7: Catching Up

Post by Alexis » Thu Apr 09, 2009 7:23 pm

SPAM!

With the extreme upward trend in hunting and port-raiding, the universe's citizens have been forced to cut back on their budgets just to survive. Cosmic Motors was forced to delay plans for its announced Awesomobile due to predictions that buyers would not be able to afford the luxury trade ship at this time. Fine dining locations such as the Copper Garden and Charles & Heimy's have seen sharp drops in revenue while places like Bottoms-Up Bar & Grill have seen increased traffic. Markets have even reported sharp increases in spam sales.

That's right! Spam, the mystery meat (that is ham, pork, sugar, salt, water and potato starch) has been flying off of the shelves due to its low cost and extraordinary, almost freakishly long shelf life. Citizens of the more prosperous Alskant galaxy knew little of the meat, however Nijarins were more likely to be big fans of this meat in a can.

Federal officials in the Salzik galaxy, however, loathe this larger use of the canned meat for a completely different reason: littering.

"I can't fly three sectors without running into some space junk! We haven't had this problem since the great Old Creonti's beer can problem during the last galactic depression." commented Federal Press Secretary, Luxor Fogelstein.

The Federation advises for everybody flying through Salzik to keep an eye out for space junk, as it has a tendency to deal significant damage to space ships.

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Samurai vs. the Squid

The Legendary Stay-Tentacled Squidman was spotted in the Thevian galaxy late yesterday evening, wriggling over everything it could. First responders took every action they could to stop this beast's rampage, but there was little they could do, as even a Thevian Assault Craft is dwarfed by the size of the Squidman.

Word of the assault reached members of Samurai 7 through emergency subspace frequencies. Shortly after, the small alliance descended upon the galaxy through the West Quadrant warp point, hoisting a banner that reading, "Today's Menu: Sauteed Squid."

The four expert hunters used maneuvers and weapons unknown to the Federation to pull off an impressive victory over the Squidman. Alliance leader, Ghengis, had little to say after his great accomplishment. Seeing it as less impressive and more routine, he noted, "Well I guess when you have four skilled hunters against one squid, it's easier to destroy it."

As repayment from their heroic acts, Thevian President Chibi (Heart) pardoned the hunters for their actions and involvement with Asylum's Universal War.

"There isn't anything I can do about the outstanding bounties that still sit on their heads from the acts they committed, but I do know that the Thevian people owe them gratitude for saving our galaxy from this monster. That is why I am ordering Thevian federal ships to cease their manhunt." commented the President.

The Thevian Press Secretary reminds the citizens of its galaxy that although the alliance performed a heroic act, they also don't discriminate between squid and people. Traders are still cautioned to take extreme care while members of Samurai 7 are in the area.

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Catching Up with the News

Although the Galactic Post tries its best to keep its readership up to date on the latest happenings, it does apologize for its recently slow publishing. The editor has confirmed that she is ready to begin writing full-time for the paper once more, and we will be back on track with the fastest updates soon! In the meantime, here's a glance at what has been happening. We have an almost entirely different case of presidents than we did two weeks ago. They are as follows:

Alskant: Meathead
Creonti: Walter the Penniless (no change)
Human: Zydeco (no change)
Ik'Thorne: Christopher the Purple Fuzzy (no change)
Salvene: Death Jester
Thevian: Chibi (Heart)
WQ Human: Naruto Uzumaki
Nijarin: Siege

Changes in leadership often times mean changes in foreign policy, as shortly after this mix-up we saw a flurry of peace treaties. The Salvene are now peaceful with the Ik'Thorne and the Human. The Ik'Thorne have also resolved their differences with the Human, signing another cease-fire. The Thevians also broke a peace deadlock during Autokill's administration, signing peace agreements with the Creonti and Human.

As for alliances, former powerhouses Asylum and Twisted Metal have all but fallen off the radar, ending Asylum's universal war. Avalanche and Heimdall remain to fight for the experience title, while LotuS continues to drive Liberty's kill total forward. Liberty has also accomplished a string of impressive port raids in the last week. All of this lead to Asylum's former top hunters creating their own small hunting troop, Samurai 7, and Edgecrusher forming Fool's Errand, a new upper-tier contender.

In the following issues, the Galactic Post will be following up on all of these developments with more complete details. The editor would like to invite those involved with these events to send her testimonials and letters with their sides of the story.

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