News Control – The paper made of 1’s and 0’s
Letters to the Editor
Editor’s note: The views expressed in no way represent those of the paper, its editor, or the sponsors of this paper. It is with this in mind that we publish these letters.
To the Editor:
*All current letters to the Editor articles received were considered to harsh as to serve their purpose of this paper. News Control is here for entertainment purposes, please respect this.*
News Control encourages responses from its readers. Send your letters to Rosebud with a topic of “letter to the editor.†Please keep shorter than 150 words for it to be published.
Loose Lips Sink Ships Part III
The continuation of Loose Lips Sink Ships will not be published this issue either. The body of Zan Clork was found floating in Salvene space earlier this week. It appears as if the end of the world cult thought to be responsible for these horrible actions left a recording with the body. While the statement or statements on this recording have yet to be released to us, we promise our readers to publish them as soon as we get word of what is said on them. We apologize for any inconveniences which this might pose to the family of Zan Clork but as journalists we must continue to meet our objective of informing our readers.
- Death Knoll
Federation and Underground Fighting Again
Only days after representatives of both the Federation and the Underground Councils condemned a gruesome murder in the Creonti galaxy we find the two are at it again. Federation space in neutral galaxies has come under mass bombings from a top UG rebel. When reached for comment the Federation only had this to say, “We know who did it, we know where they are, and we know how to get them.†When asked why this rebel hadn’t been caught yet we received the following, “well actually we only know the general area. We believe, however, he is hiding in one of the caves on the moon Tarpton 5.†We await to see whether or not the Federation is indeed able to make good on their promise of being able to catch this fiend.
- Zummer Fielder
Rant of the Day
You know what ticks me off? Women. They always complain about the toilet seat being left up and if we leave it down they complain that we pee on it. Here is the deal. If we are expected to lift the seat up, you should be expected to put it down. It is a fair trade. After all, the seat won’t have to be put down unless we had to put it up. You don’t see men complaining that urinals are not standard equipment for home use. Can’t you just tough it out?
- Nardsworth Stevens III
Classifieds
WRITERS!!!!
Due to recent activities (mainly the murder of many NC writers) we are in search of a few new writers. Space is limited and you would be expected to submit an article once a week. Pay is horrible, but your writing abilities will be seen by all. If you would like to write for News Control please submit an application to Rosebud with an article that could be published in our next issue.
Cartoonist
News Control is STILL currently in search of a cartoonist who would like to make submissions to our paper. If you are interested PLEASE reply to Rosebud with a submission of your work. If accepted, hosting will be provided for the storage of the cartoon. We are unable to pay anything other than have your name along with your work.
SMR Anonymous
Looking for help with your addiction to the game? The first step is acceptance. Please join your fellow addicts and help yourself by admitting your addiction. Come to #smr, we can help.
Personals
Remember folks, for now the personals are free. Just send a private message to Rosebud with the topic of “personal†and we’ll get you in here for the next issue, but please keep them to 75 words or less. Run time for a personal is two issues so you’ll have to resubmit every second issue.
Soul: Hello ladies. When I'm not out on the job I like to organize my blue, red, and green suits as well as pick out matching feathers for my hat. My friends say I'm a pimp, but I prefer to say I'm just a lover of women. Interested, give me a call.
RedDragon: I am a nice guy – lost in a complicated world. If you also missed the time when you changed from an 8ft arachnid to a small quadruped, and enjoy the finer things in life then contact me. If you get in touch I can promise you the treatment of a wealthy warrior – someone who will not stand for any insult. I am looking for a successful Salvene female – other races need not apply. Photo required.
Vtreka: I’m an Ik’Thorne with an exotic taste, if you know what I mean. I am looking for VERY discrete relationship from an exciting and kinky Creonti. Please respond only between 4 and 6 in the morning. If a female voice answers HANG UP!
Sterling: I am an outgoing type of person who loves long walks on the Ik’Thorne moon beach. I also enjoy fine wine and women. Right now I’m not looking for anything serious but someone who would rather have some fun while they still can.
- Personals
Crossword Puzzle
Across
1. Racial space where Zan Clork’s body was found
3. Who you should submit applications and articles to
6. See
7. ____ and bolts
Down
1. Easy
2. Australian Admin
4. Making the crossword puzzle is _____
5. Morning coffee and ______
Letter From the Editor
It’s Death Knoll here once again. I would like to thank you, our readers, for allowing News Control to become an officially produced paper of this community. I would also like to take this time to remind everyone that we have a few writing spots open so send in your applications (see the classifieds). Also the holiday season is coming up and we here at the paper will all be going on a leave to spend the time with our families. This will cause the next issue of News Control to be delayed. Don’t worry though, we will return.
Thank you and enjoy,
Death Knoll
News Control - Third Issue
News from the "Galactic Post" and "The Space Merchant Reporter" and "News Control"
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