News Control - Sixth Issue

[Rosebud]

News Control – The paper that was.


Letters to the Editor

Editor’s note: The views expressed in no way represent those of the paper, its editor, or the sponsors of this paper. It is with this in mind that we publish these letters.

To the Editor:

I heard that you guys won’t be making News Control anymore, um I hoping this isn’t true.

-Sayit Aintso

News Control encourageD responses from its readers. You should have sent your letters to Rosebud with a topic of “letter to the editor.”


The Return of the Terrible Three

It would appear that in the new galaxy that the traders are now calling their home three of the larger, aggressive alliances are returning for another go at it. These would be the Dogs of War, Death Control, and Crusaders. Inquisitors of the Order Malleus appear not to be making a return along with Sector 7G. Who will emerge as the top alliance? Will it be one of the returning champs or one of the new breeds of alliances? Like many things in this life only time will tell. Death Control has an early lead on exp and kills followed closely by Choose Your Poison for exp and Ultra Blue in kills. On a side note I’m being let go so if know of any good work PLEASE let me know I need money and something to occupy my time (also known as GET AWAY FROM MY WIFE!!!!) HELP!!!!

- Zummer Fielder


New GP Editor, Expected Excellence from Everyone

There is a new editor for our competition paper and high hopes come from all around. It is expected that this editor will learn from the mistakes of their predecessor but nothing is guaranteed. On a more personal note we here at News Control fully support the Galactic Post as a genuine paper when led under the write editor, it was however a sad time for the paper under the former editor. Please keep this in mind when getting your new issues of the GP.

-Velma Violence

Once Highly Credited Scientist Goes Insane

Dr. Binary, head of the Numerical Organization of Masonries Ornate Remake Examples for Nutritional Concern or NOoMOREfNC for short was led away today to a psychiatric hospital. This one time brilliant professor of numbers started ranting and raving that in fact everything was a combination of 1’s and 0’s and that we are all part of some “computer game” that resets instead of everyone being transported to a new galaxy. No one is quite sure what he meant by computer games but what we did find out is that his outrageous claims were not the reason for his psychiatric evaluation. Instead it was due to his rather poor joke of, “there are 10 types of people in the world, those that know binary and those that don’t.”

-Tiny Tony Timmy


Rant of the Day

You know what ticks me off? News Control. I was promised a steady job were I could get paid and support my habits; or as other like to call them, my “sexual fetishes.” BITE ME! What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom, but that is another subject all together. Death Knoll and Rosebud I hope you get an ingrown toenail within the next few weeks and it gets infected. That will teach you to mess with me. GP here I come!

- Nardsworth Stevens III


Classifieds

Looking for talented writers?
Look no further as the News Control staff is being let go and they do need new places to call home. If you are interested please contact each writer individually and let them know you are interested, I’m sure they will go fast folks!!!!!

WRITERS!!!!
The Galactic Post is looking for writers. Here is your chance to show how it should be done. Apply to the GP today and they will get you the information you need.

SMR Anonymous
Looking for help with your addiction to the game? The first step is acceptance. Please join your fellow addicts and help yourself by admitting your addiction. Come to #smr, we can help.


Personals

Remember folks, for now the personals were free. Just should have sent a private message to Rosebud with the topic of “personal” and we would have gotten you in here for the next issue, but please you should have kept them to 75 words or less. Run time for a personal is two issues so you’ll have to resubmit every second issue.

Sterling: I am an outgoing type of person who loves long walks on the Ik’Thorne moon beach. I also enjoy fine wine and women. Right now I’m not looking for anything serious but someone who would rather have some fun while they still can.

Rosenkreuz What can I say about myself? I like bras and panties, that is for sure. For you humans ladies I guess my best correlation I could make is that I am similar in features to your black males… athletic *wink wink*

Carnuth Hello, looking to fulfill your wildest fantasy??? Well please look no further than me. I am currently the world’s utmost expert on satisfying the sexual craving of watching someone clip their toenails in their boxers WHILE watching the 6 o’clock news. Contact immediately if interested, first come first serve.

- Personals


Crossword Puzzle

Down
1. Withdrawn from one's occupation, business, or office; having finished one's active working life. 7 letters.

Trouble seeing the crossword puzzle??? Try hitting your monitor until you can.


Letter From the Editor

Death Knoll here. I regret to inform of beloved readers that News Control will be no more. We have had a good run with this being our sixth issue. The main goal that Rosebud and me set out to accomplish was to get the old GP editor fired while showing how a paper should be done. We accomplished this and feel that the GP should get back on its feet without having to worry about any competition. I won’t say that NC won’t issue statements here and there because we might, but nothing like what is has been. Maybe when the community is large enough for a competition in the paper market we will return full blast. There are no promises to be made here as none can be. I hope you have enjoyed reading this paper as much as we have enjoyed making it. Good luck to you all!

Thank you and enjoy,
Death Knoll

P.S. To Rosebud it has been fun, thanks for keeping my idenity a secret this whole time (I think). I haven't been told I was the editor so I'm assuming you did your part. It's been fun.