The Strip - GP Archive: Silicone and G-Strings

News from the "Galactic Post" and "The Space Merchant Reporter" and "News Control"
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Harry Krishna
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The Strip - GP Archive: Silicone and G-Strings

Post by Harry Krishna »

One Player's Opinion: Cross Breeding???

I have just been to the Galactic Carnival here in Alskant, and all the rides are the same. There's the bobbing for fruitolas in buckets of yak-tak puke, and Whack the Nij, but that's all the same old stuff.

So I decided to go to the freak show, but again it was all the same stuff and you could tell nearly all of it was fake. Then near the end of the show I saw something that caught my eye. There was this freaky looking creature that looked somehow, remotely familiar. After the show I bribed the carny and went backstage to look at this horribly distorted, yet intelligent creature.

After much CAREFUL deliberation, I asked it what it was. I found out that it was a cross breed of a Thevian and Creonti couple that decided to get rid of it lest other races find out. Then even more astonishingly, I stumbled across the fact that over half the population of these two races do it, and little ones such as the one I found are usually killed by their own parents.

So this is my opinion, it may not be yours, but I wholeheartedly believe it. These two groups need to be taught a lesson. I believe it's podding time...



Scientists Make Record-breaking Discovery in Mirage Galaxy

Galatic Press - Reuters -
Geologists were stunned today when they found what could be the universe's biggest dump. "We were probing what we thought was a strange glacial formation on Theta, the second moon of the planet in sector 1879," stated the operation's chief geologist Ynot D'uitagin, "When we discovered the entire mountain range was organic, it occured to us that maybe this was one humongous turd. After all, who has ever seen a big lumpy round mountain range?"

Carbon dating puts the loaf around 4,000 years old, making it one of the oldest patties in history. "This has to be the the biggest turd I've ever seen" says Fudwrecker, a respected member of the Creonti council. "Can you imagine the creature that pinched this?" Creonti biologists can't figure it out either.

Best guesses put the creature who dealt it somewhere around 1445 kilometers long. The turd has been entered into the Galactic Book of World Records under both the "biggest crap" and "oldest dumps" categories and is on display at the Creonti Natural History Museum until early next year.



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Intense warfleet battle scenes uncut and uncensored.
Watch in horror as Creonti prison barge officials jettison prisoners in ]li]airlock executions.
Shocking spacewalker mishaps caught on video.
Orbital collisions and more...

Only 1000 federal credits plus 10 credits for shipping & handling. Buy it now before it disappears forever!



What is E.P.I.C.?

The Galactic Post office's inbox has been flooded with suggestions as to the meaning of the E.P.I.C. epigram. There are too many to print, so here are a few of them:

Entirely Pointless Inconsequential Crack-addicts
Education for Peace in Iraq Center
Education for Parents of Inbred Children
Every Person Is Crazy
Entirely Pathetic In Combat
Escape Pod I Cry!!
Enters P**** Into Cracks

No official word from the alliance itself on what their moniker could mean. Keep those ecards and egrams coming in!



It Was A Jackpot...But For Whom?

Early this morning, E.P.I.C. alliance members ventured into the galaxy of Monte Carlo and discovered a small mined galaxy belonging to the Reincarnation alliance. Despite the mines, E.P.I.C. plowed through the defenses and picked a planet to attack. Within a few minutes, the planet popped and out came a handful of warbirds into the sector.

At least two of those pilots were online and helped create bloodshed in the sector resulting in a decent number of casualties for E.P.I.C. and a few for Reincarnation. One of the players, Izzanods, was heard saying after the attack to his alliance mates in chat "How much easier can it get?"

Despite the loss, E.P.I.C. and the rest of the alliances now know where and how Reincarnation are playing early in the round. The question now is: who will be the alliance to not just take it to them but defeat them. That's a question I ask and I am sure the answer will come shortly.



Another Pod Ride

There I was, minding my own business and making some good money, when the alarms in my ship start going off. YOU ARE UNDER ATTACK! I give the order to run, but it's too late. My ship's armor is almost gone as I run to my escape pod and jet out into the darkness of space.

I think to myself: "What if there were no hunters and I could trade all day long and not worry about having to run for my pod when I get attacked." But oh well...that would be a perfect world and perfect this one ain't.

So I head back to the shop for a new ship and I can only hope that this time I can trade a little more before I get a pod. While it's back to the grind stone for me, I wish all the traders safe trading and good prices, and to the hunters I wish they would all run into a star and die a horrible flaming death. This is your trader writer signing off for now.



Reincarnation Strike Lords of Melnibone Galaxy

In a decisive military operation, the Reincarnation alliance has made a sudden push into the Tropicana galaxy and attacked the homeworlds of the Lords of Melnibone.

Witnesses spotted a large fleet of Reincarnation warships gather outside the warp sector of the Tropicana galaxy, home to the Lords of Melnibone. The LoM warp and the galaxy within were defended with a minefield, but the invaders ruthlessly tore through the defenses and began moving from planet to planet through the galaxy. Official records indicate that most of the six planets were rated at a development level of between 10 and 12. One by one, the LoM planets fell to the Reincarnation fleet's powerful attacks. A total of nine LoM defenders, most of them offline planet builders and traders parked on the surface of the planets, were not able to flee and were destroyed by the Reincarnation war machine.

Reincarnation leader The General Lee did not return calls from the Galactic Post asking the reason for the attacks. Most alliance-watchers and political pundits see this as an effort by Reincarnation to muscle in on the territory of other top ranked alliances.
that which pods you makes you stronger
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