The Strip - GP Archive: Full House, Aces and Kings

News from the "Galactic Post" and "The Space Merchant Reporter" and "News Control"
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Harry Krishna
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The Strip - GP Archive: Full House, Aces and Kings

Post by Harry Krishna » Sun Nov 21, 2004 11:53 pm

Interview with Master of Disharmony

An audio recording found outside an old abandoned warehouse in WQ Human space was sent to the Galactic Post. It appears to be an interview with Master of Disharmony. This pilot is known for his high pod count and unpredictable behavior. The following transcript of the audio recording may be disturbing to sensitive readers.

Interviewer: So mister, um, Disharmony, can I call you that?

Disharmony: As long as you don’t annoy me with it….

Interviewer: Any way, lets get started. What possessed you to, out of nowhere pod yourself more than 30 times in such a short time?

Disharmony: Possessed?! I’m not possessed!! WHO TOLD YOU THIS?! If it was Fred its all lies, LIES!!!

Interviewer: Okay…. Let me rephrase that… what made you pod yourself so many times in a row?

Disharmony: Oh… um I was flying along in my ship when all of a sudden a little birdie came over and spoke to me and said…. Wait why am I tell you this? You don’t need to know this! You know too much!!!

Interviewer: Wait?! What are you doing with that chair?! No!! Please don’t!!! AHHHH

Disharmony: Next!!

*enter Interviewer 2*

Inerviewer2: Hello Mr. Disharmo…. What’s that guy doing on the floor?

Disharmony: SHHH he is sleeping

Interviewer2: But he is bleeding…

Disharmony: So what... he bleeds in his sleep...don’t you?! I do…maybe you should to? Now get on with the questions before I become impatient!

Interviewer2: Okay… you creep me out… but I need a story so… first question... you were doing so good at the beginning of this new universe, what made you pod yourself more than 30 times in a row?

Disharmony: Well.. Due to the fact that I was solo and I wanted some excitement I decided to die several times. And….and…and…who am I kidding I just wanted to die KILL ME… Ima get you…yous a gunna die!

Interviewer2: What? What are you talking about?.... any ways question number 2… are you insane or are you acting like it?

Disharmony: Me? Insane? I don’t know what your talking about… but the little birdie says you’re a bad man.

Interviewer2: What birdie? What are you talking about?

Disharmony: Mr. Birdie says you have to die… get over here I need your blood… GIVE ME YOUR HEART!!!

Interviewer2: Okay that’s it I'm outta here!!...GET AWAY FROM ME I HAVE A TAZER ILL HURT YOU!!! Stay away!!!

Disharmony: Oooo a tazer so WHAT I don’t care… now come here I WANT YOUR HEART… what? What are you doing? Hey keep that away from me!! BZZZT!!

The recording ends there. Federal authorities are reviewing the contents for signs of foul play. Traders are advised to stay away from Master of Disharmony at all costs!!



Mostly Harmless Harms Mostly

The early game is over, and the middle game has started. Fighter pilots are taking to their ships. With E.P.I.C. and Reincarnation topping the experience charts, people would think they would have all the kills and no one could stop them. BUT a small alliance of 12 have 51 kills making them 2nd in the game.

Leading in the kills is Lotus with 13, Pekoeta with 12, Pepsi 10, and Yeog with 9. These account for 44 of the 51 kills. Now how is this alliance doing it? Some say it's just based on being active. There are 2 or more MH on the CPL at all times, and you can bet they are racking up kills.

Shall this alliance become #1 by the end of the game or not be in the top 10 alliance for kills? We shall find out at the end of the game, but make no mistake this is the alliance to watch.



Pod Reception Facilities Inadequate

Council member Fudwrecker addressed the Creonti Council floor today, requesting an increase in the funding for the Creonti World Space Station. "We have lost two good pilots when their escape pods hit the side of the station," stated Fudwrecker. "Our technology is 20 years behind. Unless my Peers on the Creonti panel toss in some cash, we will continue to see these unkind and unnecessary deaths."

Fudwrecker is asking for 100 millions to improve the POD reception facilities.



Booze Gene Found in Human Genome

Galactic Reuters - Science It was reported this past week in Galactic Science Magazine that scientists Jim Bron and Say Tomorrow have declared with 100% certainty the identification of the Booze Gene. "We found it in the Human Genome," claimed Tomorrow.

The Human Genome, located in sector 631, has long been known for it's lively adult floor show and happy hour specials. The two scientists spent the better part of three months researching the Human Genome and it's patrons for signs of such a genetic link. The hard work and dedication of Bron and Tomorrow finally paid off.



The Saner Side of Chaos

Interviewer, Jez Poddem, skillfully pilots his interviewmobile close to the fishing khan so he can ask his questions without disturbing khan's fishing too much...

Jez: So khan, Why are you choosing to get podded so many times?

khan: It my choice! Watch that mine.

Jez: But you are already #1 in the per game deaths stats, what more is there? [Gingerly pushes the mine the other way]

khan: #1 in deaths overall! I don't think I can catch my cohort in Chaos this time...SHHH!!! Got one!

Jez watches with saucer sized eyeballs as several stacks of mines bob around dauntingly. Khan reels in his catch through the massive minefield and he pulls in the shredded remains of an IST's front end and some space luggage...

khan: Aww man! [dumps the trash in the back of the almighty indestructable galactic tonguemobile] More trash! No wonder there aren't any fish left in these ponds, bunch of litterbug space jockies who can blow people up left and right but they don't clean up their messes completely!

Jez: uhhmmm... OK... I have heard word that people have even offered you money to get a "real trading ship" and just do some trading, is this true?

khan yells: MONEY? Did one of the Crusaders send your out here to try and bribe me? Money is the root of all evil! I'm not about money... [casts his hook back into the pond]

Jez: ok that's a sore point... What about all the news that you are becoming a hunters target?

khan: [points to giant lips & tongue emblems on the sides of his ship...] Well if you can't hit that you've no chance to be a hunter!

Jez: ok... What is the entire purpose of you being in a vessel then?

khan: I gotta fish someplace! You know the Feds won't let you fish in Fed protection for very long before turning you over to the gods!!

Jez: well that's about all I had to ask you... What's the easiest way out of this place?

khan: well I'd suggest that way, but, wait a minute [looks at the interviewmobile...] You don't have a jump drive?

Khan holds out a fishing rod for Jez and pops open another Salvene Sudz six pak for them to share.



What is E.P.I.C.?

Once again the Galactic Post has been flooded with suggestions from the community as to what the enigmatic E.P.I.C. alliance name stands for. Here is another batch of them.

Every Player Is Corrupt
Entirely Pathetic In Combat
Essentially a Pack of Ignorant Chumps
Eats Peas Ignores Carrots
Entered pod in confusion
Every Player is Crap
Enter P**** into C****

The number of suggested possibilities is seemingly endless, but the Galactic Post is dedicated to finding out how many there are. Keep those ecards and egrams coming.



Crusaders Play Nintendo

Fighting broke out recently between two of the top alliances. A small force of Crusaders ships, led by Piratedan and OP leader RandyOrsolo, went into the Clacher galaxy and cleared mines at the entrance of the MGM Grand galaxy. MGM is currently claimed by the Nintendo Strikes Back alliance.

One Crusaders ship was destroyed among the mines during the clearing work. Shortly after that, four NSB ships were mobilized to defend against the invading Crusaders and ship to ship fighting was reported. Leader King Koopa was killed attempting to drive off the mine-clearing ships. The three other NSB pilots sat waiting inside the MGM warp, hidden amongst a 4k scan of forces as the Crusaders fleet patrolled outside the warp.

Witnesses say that once the outer sector of the warp was cleared, the Crusaders launched thru the warp into MGM and attacked the NSB ships. All three NSB ships were destroyed and a single Crusaders pilot was killed in the attack.
that which pods you makes you stronger

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