The Strip - GP Archive: The Nuts

News from the "Galactic Post" and "The Space Merchant Reporter" and "News Control"
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Harry Krishna
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The Strip - GP Archive: The Nuts

Post by Harry Krishna »

Mandalay Bay Fishery Owner Comments on 2-Day Attacks

First off as the founder of the wonderful fishing hole in 1910. It's been overtaken multiple times by multiple alliances for multiple reasons. I personally have grown quite rich from profits from people parking on it and taking a leisure break to go fish in my wonderful fisheries!!

It has taken me time to get it to this point and its still small, however, when I park here to fish I find it rather ill suited for some non-owner to try and take over my establishment. I have said it before and will say it again. Its mine, I'll build it as I see fit and when I have the time to build it. If you have a problem with it, then its your problem. If you don't like me retaking, what is rightfully mine over and over again, then leave it alone. The planet is in a nontactical area and is not a very good tactical resort spot which is why I chose it in the first place.

Now if you want to come and sun yourself on my beaches that's fine, but when you try and overthrow my governing body and put up obstacles I will reduce those obstacles eventually. Trying to tell me that laying waste to 50 drones and 80 odd of 150 shields and didn't do any damage Weasel... You best think again. True the 80 odd shields isn't that much but the drones on the other hand cost you a lot more than it did me! Hmmm... maybe you should be a little more realistic about cost analysis!

My costs of 0 for the almighty indestructable galactic tonguemobile and 0 for its armament and weaponry compares outstandingly to your costs: 250k in drones plus 250k in shields lost. Now when a person looks at it that way who lost more? me in turns? or you in costs. 99% of the players here look at cost over turns me inclusive otherwise I wouldn't be flying around in a freebie 90% of the time now would I?

Half a mill... not that much... I can do that in 4 trades or less in a 60 hold GS, you and your alliance one trade. but whose loss was it? And guess what, the planet is still mine! That was then and this is now so now LOM wants to try and take it over?

HA! Lots of Muck! You most likely couldn't take your grandmothers for a walk safely, so I don't expect you to be able to sieze my low level planets safely either!



Santa's Sleigh Hits Mine Field

10:00 EST- Rueters-
Tonight Santa's reindeers hit Reincarnation's mine fields. Dasher and Vixen were sent to the infirmary for tests. Elvon the Russian tried to move in for the easy kill on Santa and took a pod: 12/11/2004 12:45:30 PM Elvon The Russian was killed by Lord Of The Pings in Sector #2345.

Mrs.Claus has sent out an intergalactic call for replacement reindeers. Fudwrecker and Ptolemy immediately responded to the distress call to pull Santa's sleigh out of harms way, with indirect support from Legitimate Businessman everywhere!

Upon arrival, Fudwrecker observed, "There were toys everywhere! As we filled up our holds full of toys we were on the constant lookout for The Grinch (aka Boss Hogg). The kids will definitely enjoy their gifts on Christmas Day!"

Rumor has it that Reincarnation are receiving lumps of coal in their socks this year.



Sun Fishin'

We were draggin around the Sun trolling a few lines off the PSF when all of a sudden both downriggers popped and all hell broke loose!

"I think we gots us a couple sunfish," says Fudwrecker. And Ptolemy yells "Don't let go of the wheel, cos I think we got us a double hitter!!!"

After many hours of battle, Fud finally says "Ah hell drop some mines." Needless to say Ptolemy hyper-spaced out of his shorts. "It's a good thing I had diaper strikers on," Ptolemy later stated. Fudwrecker grabbed the net and the rest is, as we say, "history".

Fudrecker scored a two-ton sunfish and Ptolemy's catch was slightly smaller due to mine damage. Off to the taxidermist we go... hope he doesn't charge by the pound...



Lords of Melnibone Strikes Back

Reports are coming in from the Tropicana galaxy that the Lords of Melnibone alliance has reclaimed its planets from the grip of the dreaded Reincarnation. LoM did a good job on their offensive. While reclaiming their planets, they killed six other ships. Wookie got three kills, while Burn, Erke, and Edgecrusher all got one each. Further marking their success, LoM lost only two ships out of a total fleet of 9.

Political analysts are now wondering what's going to happen next. LoM keeps up giving us unexpected surprises like this, and they are ranked very closely with Reincarnation. Are they asking for Reincarnation to come and hit them? What are their plans for the coming weeks? This story is sure to be continued...



Song Goes Platinum on Intergalactic Charts

"Fly like a Fudwrecker"
Some people call me the space merchant
Some call me the gangster of drugs
Some people call me the Fud
Cause' I speak of the pompetous of drugs

People talk about my trading
Say I'm doin' it wrong, doin' it wrong
But don't you worry baby don't worry
Cause' I'm right here, right here, right here, right here at home


Cause' I'm a trader
I'm a gooner
I'm a lover
and I'm a sinner
I try to avoid the sun
I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a mid-night toker
I sure would like to pod someone


You're the fastest thing that I ever did see
I really love your weapons
Wanna make you pee
Lovey dovey, lovey dovey, lovey dovey all the time
Ooh wee baby, I sure wanna show you a good pod ride


I'm a peaker
I'm a gooner
I'm a trader
and I'm a sinner
I like to play my music real loud
I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a mid-night toker
I sure don't want to hurt no one


(solo)

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
People keep talkin' about me baby
Say I'm doin' it wrong
Well don't you worry, don't worry, no don't worry mama
Cause' I'm right here at home
You're the fastest thing I ever did see
Really love your weopons want to make you pee
Lovey dovey, lovey dovey, lovey dovey all the time
Come on baby now, I'll show you a good pod ride




Poetry Korner

Poetry recently found on nearby space debris:
There once was a Lord from Melnibone
Whose parents say he should have been stillborn
His tactics were gay
And that's ok
Because all he traded was porn.

I once knew of an alliance
That was the biggest annoyance
They claim to be Legit
But they never commit
And now they say they're defiant.

Beware of the EPIC hunter
Who'd not hesitate to Pod his own mother
To Kill is his delight
But try as he might
He can't top his own little brother.

There once was a Princess from NSB
Who drank a whole lotta tea
The Op had to stop
Before the planet could pop
So she could take a pee.

All hail the miners!
Who are not short-timers
They hauled massive amounts
And drained our accounts
But stopped a whole team of fighters.

There once was a trader from Reincarnation
Who had such acute flatulation
That when he farted
Someone imparted
That he just killed off the whole Alskant nation.

There once was a fearless Crusader
Who thought he was a player
He hit a few mines
And :D all the time
That he couldn't get a huge pulse laser.



Fudwrecker Incarcerated!

Yesterday, Fud was accused of blatant malice in delivering a product to the masses. Sent to jail, with no bail, the Fud is in trouble. "All I did was replace the carbon dioxide in beer with hydrogen," said the Fud. "Seemed to make a lot of sense at the time."

Apparently, Creonti teens have started blowing fire balls around the room by breathing the beer hydrogen ales. "This sh-t rocks, I can spew fire balls 25 feet after 2 beers!" said one teenager. Three schools and two local hangouts have been flamed and teachers are not amused.

Fud needs to be bailed out of jail and could use a good lawyer.



An SMR Christmas Tale

This is a story of lust, a story of longing, a story of one sided love, a story of jealousy and heartbreak. But mostly this is a story about a rabbit.....

Flops the bunny, a peaceful rabbit in the employ of Lowrider (a fearsome hunter known throughout the universe) lived a rather dull life in apartment #6406 of Ik'Thorne Towers. Granted he had free roam of the modest habitat module that Lowrider rented. But Lowrider spent most of his day trolling the local trade lanes for "fresh fish". Flops was confined to a life of hopping from sofa to recliner to desk just sniffing, nibbling and leaving his little rabbit pellets on the floor to remind Lowrider that he was a living, sentient being too and needed a little attention.

Then Purify moved in. Lowrider found Purify in a local brothel. He was dirty, unkempt, and broke. But Lowrider saw a fire in Purify's eyes that reminded him of himself. He thought: "This guy could be a fine pilot someday." So he offered Purify his friendship and invited him into his home.

Purify was a natural at hunting. Between his innate abilities and Lowrider's guidance, Purify became a feared combatant throughout the galaxy. But Flops didn't care about that. All he cared about were the beautiful socks that Purify wore.

Flops spent weeks eyeing those socks. He coveted. He lusted. He dreamt about those socks. Then one day, when Lowrider was at his girlfriend's house, Flops made his move.

Purify was sitting at his desk in front of his terminal, plotting his next route around the galaxy. Flops inched closer, one hop at a time, until he was within inches of Purify's sock. He greedily took that sock in with his eyes and pounced. Little Flops latched on with all his might and thumped like a bandit at that sock. He'd never felt so alive!!

But Purify would have none of it. He was horrified at the little monstrosity connected so intently to his foot. Purify stood up and kicked out, flinging flops across the room. He screamed, "Stay away from me, rodent!!! I'll not have you soil these socks. Go hump Lowrider!!"

Flops was desolate. He could not understand Purify's rejection. How could someone deny such pure, innocent love? But no matter how he tried, Flops could not change Purify's mind. He felt like the life had been sucked out of him. What else was there to live for other than those silky socks? Flops fell into a deep depression. He wouldn't eat his carrots. He wouldn't drink his water. And he wouldn't snuggle with Lowrider.

Purify, the heartless monster, finally could stand no more. He saw the devastation he'd caused. He saw the hurt in his teacher's eyes over the state of Flops. He had to make things right. So Purify went out and bought a new pair of socks. The silkiest, most radiant socks in the universe. He brought them home and on Christmas Day he put the socks on. He approached the weakened rabbit in his cage and stuck out his foot.

"Ok Flops, go to town lil buddy. I'll never turn away from you again."

Flops' heart was flooded with joy. He latched on to those socks and loved them like they were going out of style. To this day, the happy couple appears at every Crusaders OP together. Purify killing, and Flops humping. Lowrider couldn't be a prouder papa.
that which pods you makes you stronger
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