Spockology - GP Archive: Star Spangled Radiation Belt

[Harry Krishna]

Viva la Revolution!

After Senator Zachary Bass's slim defeat in the Creonti elections yesterday, officials from the galaxies of Omar, Salzik, Manton, Livstar, Teryllia, Doriath, Anconus, Valheru, Lupus and Clacher met in secret session last night (Wednesday) and this morning announced that they were declaring unilateral independence from the Universe.

Their spokeswoman issued a short press release as follows: "Bass polled more votes than any other previous president in Creonti history, and in a democratic galaxy this is our right. We are a different people up here. Just because he sells a little bit of Narcotics does that make him a bad person?" She went on, "We have strong ties to Nijarin, and with these new galaxies behind us we will win by force if neccessary!"

Naturally, this has thrown the whole of the Universe into constitutional crisis. Universal lawyers are already pouring over the contents of the press release, flicking through reams of the Galaxy Constitution to determine if the declaration has any legality. "We don't care if it does or doesn't" explained the President of Omar. "We are doing this for the good people of Salzik. It is what they want, and it is what they voted for. They love Zachary Bass, and apparently he loves them all too and wants to embrace them all individually." making a discreet reference to Bass's concession speech on Wednesday afternoon.

MrSpock was reported to be furious. "I am the President of the Universe," he bellowed, "and by the Universe I mean all 13 of them. Or is it 12, I forget." His first reaction was to send in the Hunters to crush this revolution in Creonti. He called forward his War chief from Salvene.

"What do you want me to do - open fire on our own people?" he demanded.

"If necessary," retorted Mr.Spock, "isn't that what our hunters normally do?"

The Chief excused himself hurriedly and rushed off to meet his senior generals.

An hour later he was back. "We can't send in the hunters after all, Mr President, we don't have any left. They are all in pods due to the wars of the alliances at the moment."

"Drat these alliances," replied MrSpock "Who's idea was it to make these wars?"

"Erm, yours, actually, Sir! And only last week you requested another war. We had to turn that request down too".

"Well, find some more hunters. Bring in conscription. Enroll the ladies...and the unemployed folks in Aquila. We are going to roll-out democracy across the Universe, whether they want it or not".

Bass is expected to be sworn-in as president of Omar within a matter of days. His first task is to define the constitution. "We will start with what we know," he mused. "We will keep the bits we like and drop the bits we don't like. We also have to think of a name for our proud new galaxy. How about Bass galaxy or the bit in the corner that has loads of mines in it?"

Speaking as a Creonti, this reporter is not looking forward to the fall-out on this and will be spending the next month in Alskant under an assumed name. This is Sarah Snow signing out.



Scientists Find Giant Space Squid

Alpha Ctei - (Reuters)
In what could probably be the biggest cephalopod discovery of all time, Fud #6 gains evidence of the legendary giant space squid. What follows is the researcher's log entry, stardate 11-345.23453.

"We were looking latterly, pinging with all kinds of technology and stuff, but could not find it. For 5 years we have chased the space squid to all ends of the universe. The other day we passed through a hydrogen pocket which we are almost certain was flatulence. It was bad. The fart drove us out of orbit and we had to realign our inertial stabilizers.

"While we waited, we discovered the natives on the moon licked the backs of ugly small toads. Seemed like a no brainier: grab a stick and make a toad sickle. Needless to say the expedition went into a laughing fit, until one really stoned space biologist on the team said 'You know, I'm peaking, but let's turn our equipment to the heavens.'

Damned if there was not 45 Giant Space Squids lurking right above us."

The scientists have been given a large research grant to return to the site of the squid discovery. They plan to take a large supply of popcicle sticks with them.



Clacher Hit Again in Copy Cat Crime

The Clacher galaxy didn't get a break for even a day. In what federal investigator are calling a copy-cat crime, the Adult Swim alliance followed up on the recent Crusaders attack by going into Clacher themselves.

Adult Swim came in a force of 17 and attacked two planets and a port. The raiders made off with a boatload of cash, and although they ended up podding one of their own members, their losses were light.

Many residents of the Clacher galaxy are moving out. Recent attacks on the planets and ports in their neighborhoods have made living there too difficult.



Whitfield Raids WQ

In a stunning move that has most pundits talking, the Whilfield alliance assembled an attack force of fighting ships and raided ports in the WQ Human galaxy recently. Witnesses say that approximately 12 ships bearing the Whitfield insignia on their hulls gathered their fleet in sector 1560 of WQ space, the location of a major port of commerce.

Port officials evacuated both the loading docks and their bowels as Whitfield ships opened fire on the port. With swift determination the Whitfield fleet blasted through the port's heavy defenses and collected the cash contents. The raider fleet then moved off to another port...and another...and another.

Officials report that five WQ Human ports were attacked and raided. An estimated 400 million in cash was taken, and the raids caused nearly a billion federal credits worth of damage to the ports. The president of the WQ Human council has declared a fiscal emergency, as all of the major ports are now worthless. The council is asking the federal government for assistance in repairing the ports and restoring the shattered economy.



Troubling Times?

Peaceful times in this universe seem to be over. Traders out to make a friendly fed credit cannot do so without wondering who will soon take their hard earned cash away from their family's table. Generations have passed with only small disturbances within the races. Gang members who, without a second thought, kill their neighbor and friend for a rank in history and color on their shoulder.

Do not be mistaken. This is not just an act of gang members any longer.

More creatures from all walks of life are killing to be seen! Letting people know they will not live in fear. This to many seems like an act of honor and dignity however it is a huge mistake. Government officials take an oath to protect and serve against gang members, however the protection is not present. They get a nice ship to protect us and only end up harming the federation traders they are to protect!

Here are my words to you:

With the Rein falling heavily in open space, traders are around trying to conduct Legitimate Business.

With other galaxies closing in fast the Shadow is here to remind us that flying in a Crusade is recommended to be a bit safer while trading!

And I urgently remind you Adults to not be swimming in the Rein. It is very bad for you, your family and your race.

Please be safe and use your Whits and shut the power off on your Nintendo!



Newbies Get Trained

Reincarnation's newbie training alliance Adult Swim received a wake up call when a Rein fleet approached their mildly fortified galaxy, one day after an Adult Swim fleet hit Rein's home territory.

Quickly smashing through their mines and paltry defenses, Rein took aim at AS's port. Killing a few straggling ships on the way, Rein made short work of the port, netting a hefty sum. Then, finding themselves with extra turns due to their great coordination and self control, Rein unleashed its guns on the poorly built AS planets.

After conquering four worlds, one of which was said to contain all generators, the Rein fleet left the Adult Swim galaxy in shambles. The irony of the situation is that AS left a planet named in Rein's territory "What lousy planets" or something of the like. As a rebuttal, Rein squashed AS's planets with a smaller fleet and without having to boot and kill a single member.

It is believed by some that the AS newbies learned a lesson that day.