Spockology - GP Archive: Blue Dwarfs and Red Giants

[Harry Krishna]

Merchants Wanted

Port owners have been complaining lately about the lack of ability to get a good deal. Many owners say it is because Gang Members are keeping top merchants away.

Many merchants have sold their trader vessel for a powerful warbird to defend the galaxy they love. More and more these merchants are becoming a problem instead of help. "They are supposed to be protecting us, and now they are shooting us," complains one store owner. "How would they like it if we just shut down and took all our money? They would have nothing."

Rangers of the Galaxy urgently want traders to do what they do best and keep port owners satisfied and in business before they all move on to bigger are better things.



Mine Sweepers

I was out doing a scan the other day of the Salvene Galaxy to see if I could find something decent to report instead of all the negativity, this is all I could find.

Mines, everywhere!

Galaxy officials should use galactic tax dollars to finally buy a as200pro! It is the next generation in minesweeping to keep their galaxy safe.

Recently, traders met at the Salzik Galaxy Hall to demand they get a special device for free when having good relations with their government. "Why should we protect the galaxy when it does nothing for us," a quote recieved by a young lady hoping to sell some luxury items to a merchant.

Maybe it is time to make things even?



15 Scientists Squished!

The Galactic Post has learned about a terrible of fate of some of the best minds in the galaxy. "We were trying to figure out what could have laid that big turd on the moon we discovered a few years back," claims Fud #6. "So we sent a radio signal, kind of like what only could be described as a "big space monster valentine. All of a sudden what I can only describe a giant space flounder came out of orbit and smoothered half our team. It was a disaster!"

After the funerals, Fud was heard to say "Those damned bottom feeders always make our style of science tricky." The remaining scientists are now thinking of setting some kind of nuclear proximity device to destroy any animals they accidently call.



Sun Fish Record Broken

Two days ago, the Galactic Post learned that a 157 Kg sun fish was caught on a line. "Yup," said Ptolomy, "We tossed our buzz baits into the sun and drew these giant Sun fish out."

Asked what they used for bait, fellow fisher Fud said "We used giant space worms from the Alpha Ceti nebula. You only need one, and it will last all week! Sun fish love 'em!"



Fud #3 Discovers Worm Hole

This reporter was chilling in a local Vladdy's Tavern after a long day on the trade routes, when in came the cloned Fudwrecker #3. Fud #3 sat down the end of the bar and recounted the time he and his fishing buddy made an amazing discovery. "So I'm out Sun fishin' one day and Ptolomy says, "Hey Fud, what do you say we drop the riggers down to 2km and deploy some real bait?"

"Sounds good to me captain!" says I.

"Reel 'em up and stick some worms on the meat hooks," said the captain.

So I'm sticking this giant ugly worm on a size 75 bait hook and all of a sudden this black stuff comes out it. I discovered a worm hole!"

At this, the bar exploded in laughter and a round of drinks for all was purchased by the house in celebration.



Ratings Drop as Democracy Rises

The historic Galactic elections proved to be a great success yesterday with no major violence reported: a fact which led to bitter disappointment from journalists around the galaxy.

Initial estimates from the independent election commission suggest that roughly 900 billion voters took part in the landmark poll. This is roughly sixty percent of the galaxy. A source at Galactic Post news told this reporter “The people of this Galaxy have firmly embraced a brave new world of democracy and rejected the anti-democratic ideology of the hunters. This galaxy can look forward to peaceful and prosperous future with all citizens working together to rebuild their lives.” He sighed mournfully “ This sure is gonna be bad for ratings.”

Although more than thirty people were killed by combat drones and mines, media predictions of widespread disruption were proved to be optimistic. A senior figure at Bill's Bar and Grill said “ I guess that the Alliances wars escalating into intergalactic conflict in the region with Creonti, Alskant and Ik'thorne joining in was asking for too much, we were hoping for at least a few full on missile attacks. Is that to much to ask for? That would have been awesome. Limbs flying everywhere, that’s what the viewers want. Anything that looks like a firework display in an abattoir really draws in the key demographic of males between the ages of 18 -34. We could have led with that for days! Hysterical mothers carrying their dead, twisted and bloodstained children and sobbing incomprehensibly to camera also helps us keeps up our viewing figures amongst women between 24 – 55.”

In Salvene, a man who wishes to remain nameless, who lost a leg in a Hunter attack last year said, “I would have crawled here to vote if I had to. I am voting for peace.” Our Bill's Bar and Grill mole lamented, “Footage of people queuing up to vote is just going to get people changing channels, no matter how may legs they do or don’t have”.

While Universal President MrSpock hailed the vote as a “blow to the heart of galactic Violence”, our sources wailed, “the sweeps are coming up I sure hope that there is some fresh dirt coming soon. Hell, even a kid falling down a well tomorrow in some small town in the middle of nowhere in Omar would be better than this!”.

This is Sarah Snow saying "If your going to pod get it on film and send it to the usual address."



Call of the Newbies

With the competition of the major alliances of Adult Swim, Crusaders, Reincarnation, Nitendo Power!, and others, it leaves little room for the little Newbie Merchant Vessel working in the trade lanes. The constant raids and unprovoked attacks on federally owned ports have left many traders at a loss for what to do to make ends meet. The systems they thought were safe have turned into a killing ground by the combined might of the major alliances. With only those alliances knowing the trade routes, the newbies are left to wander lost and alone in their Newbie Merchant Vessel.
But there is hope...The Black Hand has returned! Newbies seem to be rallying around WithMurderousIntent and The Black Hand in an effort to survive. However, with barely enough active members to successfully outfit everyone in tradeships, The Black hand is on the verge of disappearing AGAIN into the obscure depths of the galaxy. At a recent council, the racial presidents agreed to promote The Black Hand as a training alliance for any new player wishing to have fun. Hopefully with the Races' endorsement, The Black Hand can incorporate the disillusioned population back into galactic society.
~Frustrated Newbie



Clacher Violence Continues

Petitions from Clacher residents have flooded the federation protesting what has become all too common. Peace-loving citizens have seen their homes burned and their cities turned to molten slag heaps by fleet after fleet of armed alliance invaders. Again and again they have asked for help, but see little being done.

Many have left Clacher, and the surrounding galaxies are filled now with thousands of refugees. Those that remain in Clacher still cling to the hope that the federal government will step in to protect its citizens. But most say that their only real hope lay in the Reincarnation alliance. With it's fleet of heavy war cruisers and deep mine fields, the alliance has provided relative stability in the area. "After Reincarnation came, they opened an ice cream shop right down the street from me," said one Clacher mother of three. "My kids go there every day after their Terror Survival and Holocaust Safety school is over so they can study and have a snack in the bomb shelter."

Still the attacks on Clacher are frequent. The Adult Swim and Crusaders alliances are often sighted clearing minefields and have entered Clacher space several times to attack planets and ports. Most recently, a brutal attack by a fleet of 25 Crusaders reduced three different planets to smoky wastelands. Resistance by the Reincarnation fleet has been steadfast, and on several occasions fleets of Reincarnation have engaged the enemy, but many ships have been lost in these battles and many skilled pilots killed.

It is possible that Reincarnation can provide the protection that the Federation cannot. Residents in Clacher are still hopeful.