Spockology - GP Archive: The Big Bang Never Happened

[Harry Krishna]

The First Teaching Of The Poop

I once had a dog named Nishka. Her name is short for "Nishkamakarma," which is Hindu for "Do your duty, with faith in God, without attachment to the result of your action." Nishka spent the Winters doing what dogs do. She pooped on the snow. It melted in and got covered over with more snow.

Come Spring, I went out to our backyard in my duck boots, with shovel in hand. I wandered around, and was amazed at the twigs, branches, paper, wrappers and poop that seemed to be everywhere. In fact, I calculated that 90 days of winter means between 120 and 180 piles of poop. What a concept.

But while thinking of this, I was looking around. As I looked closer, poking out of the grass was a riot of little, purple violets. I was transfixed, even as I picked up the poop. Life may provide us with poop to shovel, but if we choose to look around, there is also beauty, order and wonder all around.



Traders Blamed for Rise in Conflict

After President Duck Hunter of The Humans and President Lydia of the Alskant were seen together for the first time in a while, the two leaders decided that they could not face violence between the two Empires any longer.

Last night President Dark Hunter was quick to jump up, and as I asked him who he blamed for the growing mortality rate, he thrust his fist in the air, and shouted the word trader. A low grumble filled the interview room, as the President began his long, and trust me, boring, address, starting with, “I am sorry to say, that the growing number of Traders has forced us too move forces from patrolling to inspecting.” He then made the point that Trading has gone from a peaceful rivalry for ports, to an all out war between different Alliances.

President Lydia also blamed Traders, but was a lot more specific in the Alskants conviction. “It is not the Traders themselves that have betrayed our trust,” she said and then went on to demand the taxation or dissassembly of the Alliances.

Does this mean that it could be the end for the alliances?



Kids These Days...

I just don't understand young people today.

They're out speeding around in their "blimped-out" ships, breaking traffic laws, and not even pretending to care about other people. They have their new-fangled ISTs and their combat drones... Why, back when I was fightin' Xarlie in 'Turi, we didn't even have Multi-Phase Lasers, let alone combat drones to do the fighting for us!

Those were the days when men were men, when you couldn't sleep at night in the fear that one of those Blorks would jump out of the jungle and slit your throat the minute you let your guard down. Nowadays, these young "fighters" just lounge in the bridges of their ships, sipping their martinis while robots do their dirty work.

The young traders aren't any better, either! In my day, when you delivered a shipment, you actually got out of your ship, unloaded the cargo *yourself*, and then chatted with the port officer for a few hours over coffee and synth-bars. Now, they just fly in, have the robots load and unload, and fly out, all within three minutes! These youngsters need to slow down, or their spleens will fail!

So, if any of you young'ns are reading this (assuming schools these days still teach you punks how to read!), listen to the advice of this old vet: Slow down, be polite, respect your elders, and learn to fight like real men!



Occult Happenings in Doriath?

Sector 3840 in Doriath space saw the eerie transition of Ghost Ships thru their warp. They all bore the signature of the Reincarnated Alliance, indicating that some of their members are on their second if not third lifetimes.

The frightened Doriath galaxy homesteaders sounded the alarm. A quickly organized militia of concerned Crusaders was scrambled to counter the threat, but not before many fences were pulled down and livestock run-off. The Snade family farm was trampled and the local Establishment of Pleasure was raided again. Still, the Crusaders defenders were effective in ship-to-ship battle. Official reports count the destruction of five Reincarnation ships and two Crusaders during the event. When asked, Deputy Spicy Meatball of the Crusaders simply shrugged and said, "Don't seem to matter how many times we kill 'em, they just keep coming back, it's as if someone forgot to bury 'em deep enough the first time, it's like they're Zombies or summat....."

Sales of Holy Water and cloves of garlic are on the rise as superstitious residents defend themselves against those things that the simply don't understand. This is Twice Daley, reporting from Doriath.



One Player's Opinion:
Reincarnation's Fall from Grace

This round has seen some familiar faces switch alliances and some cocky leaders assume again that they are god's gift to humanity. As most of you have probably noticed from Reincarnation's alliance credo, Sterling (Orca) has once again shown that this is NOT a game to him but something much more. To quote "We got a game plan, but unfortunately it isn't a game to us," Sterling has once again made it clear that Reincarnation has planned to show everyone who is in charge, but in the eyes of this lowly trader, he has failed miserably.

His alliance is still leading in the experience race but on the war front they are getting pummeled in comparison to previous games. They are only leading in the kills ranking by a measily 11 kills (most of them probably IST's in the first week of the game) and in the alliance kills versus rankings they are trailing an unprecedented 22 behind Crusaders and behind Team Pup and Suds by 1 kill.

Their attempt at hitting Crusaders recently summed up their round. For various reasons, maybe people being AFK in chat or just not paying attention or maybe their leader's attitude influencing the rest of them into thinking that no one can touch them, Reincarnation lost a total of 7 ships to the 4 Crusaders who flew circles around the 18 OPers making them look more confounded than a rookie in a semi attacking a level 9 port. On the bright side they did manage to hit a level 28 planet without any of the pilots succumbing to the close-to-almost-being-maybe deadly planet.

This reporter would just like to ask what is in store next game when the alliance cap has been implemented, will Sterling try to recruit the 60 top players and make three alliances? One thing is for sure Orca wont let him use his name again.



Political Bedfellows

Strange events appear to be unfolding in the realm of galactic politics. One of the politicos almost caught in the incident known as the Raid on Stabber's Pimphouse was none other than a well-known alliance leader dressed in nothing more than a kilt and a pair of sandals consorting with an unnamed member of the Alskant Ruling Council draped in nothing more than a silken bedhseet.

When confronted, the alliance leader was quoted as saying that "They were just good friends." Also, some evidence was found supposedly linking the Human Governing Council in some sort of money-for-votes scheme, but as of yet, these rumours are unconfirmed or the exact nature of who the money is for or what it is supposed to buy.

This is Twice Daley, reporting to you from the wrong side of the asteroid belt......



Sector 245 Goes Super Nova!

Shocking scientists everywhere, the small sun in sector 245 went super nova 2 billion years before it should have. Several planets in the solar system were burnt to a crisp. "Oops!" said Fud #6, "I guess we..um I, may have made a couple of small miscalculations. Man, I hope those guys had insurance."

Mr. Fud, of no fixed address, has been taken into federal custody and is being held without bail. At this time authorities are unsure of the charges as there is no precedent for causing a sun to explode, but the Federal Communications Commission is getting involved. The sector is now a Pulsar which is creating communication problems throughout the Creonti Galaxy.



Crusaders Defy Death in Reincarnation Attack

It started out like most any Sunday in Doriath. Quiet. Serene. The birds were chirping, the bees were buzzing. Men on numerous planets were mowing their lawns and women were trimming their bushes. The Crusaders pilots manning the alliance command center were sleepy and hung over from the previous night's festivities, having retaken their bonding planet and made attacks of their own into Reincarnation territory.

Suddenly, scout reports began coming in from the perimeter of the Omar galaxy. A small group of Reincarnation ships were transiting thru the Manton/Omar warp. They approached Crusaders space and began clearing forces. Four Crusaders pilots were scrambled to the scene and the Reincarnation ships left the area.

Thinking this could be the early wedge of an invading force, the Crusaders pilots took position at the warp sector 1990 and called for back up. Their guess proved correct when a short time later, 15 Reincarnation ships warped into Omar. By this time, a fleet of 13 Crusaders were in a defensive formation at the warp and were ready to meet the attackers. Quickly reinforcing their position with mines, they waited for Reincarnation to come.

The Reincarnation fleet rushed the sector, their advance ships taking the brunt of the mines, and the fleets exchanged broadsides of laser and torpedo. Three Reincarnation ships fell to the Crusaders guns. A short respite followed in which both sides repaired their ships. Crusaders filled in more mines as they could.

Again Reincarnation charged the Crusaders fleet in an effort to clear out some of the mines and even the odds. In this they were somewhat successful, and there were no ships losses on either side as the fleets fired their guns. A third Rein charge was not as successful, however. Four ships were destroyed, including Rein leader Orca, in the exploding mines and laser and torpedo barrage that erupted.

An eighth Rein ship was lost in single combat with a Crusaders pilot as the Reincarnation fleet withdrew. The rest of the Rein ships left and went back through the Manton warp to their Clacher bases. The Crusaders remained watchful for some time, then made their way back to their ship hangars and their coffee and donuts, considering themselves fortunate to have escaped the encounter with so few losses.