Spockology - GP Archive: Coronal Emissions

News from the "Galactic Post" and "The Space Merchant Reporter" and "News Control"
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Harry Krishna
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Spockology - GP Archive: Coronal Emissions

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Fuds Patent New Power Source

"The idea it is not really that new," claims fud #4. "All we did was genetically cross a hamster with a Sperm Whale and created a vertical turbine wheel the monster could run in. The little fellas love it, we feed them our nuclear corn and then re-utilize their turds to fertilize our marijuana fields."

Fud #5 adds, "They drink lots of water, it was tricky setting up the 50 story high water bottle, but otherwise we get about 77,000 mega watts per day, and that is only when one of the Hamsters feels like going for a jog."

Asked what is next, the two Fudwrecker clones are working on crossing a giant space squid with the common and much smaller electric catfish of planet Earth. "We think we could somehow convert the biological charge from this new beast and power a rather large spaceship," says Fud #5. "With one hell of a kick ass sound system!" Fud #4 interjects.

Currently much R & D money is being dumped into what something like that would eat. "We solved our own problem when we fed one of our Sperm whale/hampsters to the Giant Squid/Catfish," explains Fud #4. "We should have sold tickets to that epic battle. It went on for a couple of days." Asked about the moral issues and danger of toying with the genetics of creatures, the Fuds replied "Ahh hell everyone does it, it's like making and modifying copies of music, no one really owns the genetic code. And besides who is going to catch us?"



Cartoon Characters Protect Their Agents

I'm sure you've all read in the news by now about the mass battle in sector #2506. This once again proves to us the strength of cartoons over videogame characters. While Nintendo says it's a glitch in their 16mbit programming, the members of Adult Swim claim that their sheer strength brought them to a victory over Nintendo Power! ( or lack there of ).

What is making many curious is why Adult Swim offered to defend Legitimate Businessmen, sacrificing some of their own ships in the process. We got a hold of Avenger to talk about the matter, although probably the biggest loser of Adult Swim, he was the only one that we could get ahold of due to the rest of the alliance out celebrating at the Starlite Saloon. "Well," said Avenger, "First NP came for us, but we were too much, so they took the cowardly route and went for our agents."

Agents? The cartoons have agents? "Why yes we have agents," responded Avenger. "Who do you think gets us on shows? And who better to do it then Legitimate Businessmen...now, when those 16mbit losers threaten our agents it's personal." After saying that Avenger left with a group of men in tight purple shirts and spandex pants, but I'm sure we'll get more news on him, and the now present NP vs. AS tension.



Nintendo Turns Violent

In an unprovoked attack, an estimated 14 members of Nintendo Power! (NP) attacked several ports in three galaxies over night. Trade masters shivered with fear as the NP fleet took out ports in Salvene, Ik'Thorne and Creonti with precision.

During these attacks no members were lost, though it was reported that a single NP ship was destroyed while attacking a port located in Panumbra. We asked NP leader King Koopa for comment and he simply said “We were just looking for some practice. Who knows, we might make something of ourselves this round.”

When asked about the lone death he stated that “It just wouldn’t be an op if Great Mighty Poo didn’t take one pod.” We also asked King Koopa about the fleet battle with Adult Swim over the weekend but he had no comment. While this appears to be the largest showing of NSB ships this round one can only wonder the amount of destruction this alliance can cause in the remainder on this round. One thing is for sure, Trade masters had better make sure they have a way of escape as it seems no one is safe.



Fool's Gold

Who leads this up and coming alliance and where did he come from? Fool's Gold is a brand new alliance, and they've already broken the top ten in alliance rankings! Who is Jack Mihoff and how long has he been around? This reporter got an interview with the guy and he seems to be pretty laid back and relaxed. Well I asked him some questions and this is what he had to say:

GP:How long have you played smrealms?
Jack: For about 3 years now.

GP: Have you always led an alliance and this is the first big one or is this the first alliance you've ever been leader of?

Jack: I tried it once a while ago and it didn't work out so I tended to stay away from any leadership positions.

GP: What do you look for in recruits?

Jack: Just people that are active and try not to take the game too seriously, but seriously enough to where they won't steal, and things like that that tend to ;) people off. Oooops. Am I allowed to say that?

GP: I'm not sure, but oh well. What type of alliances have you been in lately, before starting your own?

Jack: Usually, I've always been in the Rebellion because I was kind of obsessed with Lydia, but then she left so I felt it was time to move on.

GP: Are you planning anything for the next game?
Jack: Well that's a ways away and nothing's set in stone, but I'm thinking that I'll just let everyone learn from this game and let them do whatever they want.

After that answer, Jack disappeared in his silver assault craft. The Galactic Post wishes this new alliance Fool's Gold all the best.



QSS Titanic Sucked into Worm Hole

On her maiden voyage the QSS Titanic was drawn off course and vanished in a worm hole. Drawing about 2 gazillion tonnes and sporting 32,000 bulk heads, the Titanic was about the size of a small sun. Once in motion the ship was drawn to the gravitational tug of the black hole just out side of the Britonia Galaxy.

Only 817 people of a passenger list of 2300 were able to hit the escape pods. These lucky spacers were picked up by the FSS Fudwrecker about 17 seconds after the disaster. Asked what Fud would be doing in such a far away spot, he claimed he travelled back in time for that very purpose. "We had to pick up the alpha Fud who was partying on the ship with some other yahoos."



Rein - Cru War Continues

Reuters - (Manton)
Numerous reports of fighting between long-time rival alliances Reincarnation and Crusaders have come in to the Galactic Post news office. Accurate details and official death counts are unavailable at this time. The military operations have nearly squelched all electronic communication coming out of the Omar/Manton area and reporters are forced to send their reports on disk via tradeship couriers.

What we do know is that losses on both sides have been significant. Early reports say that Crusaders were killing Reincarnation pilots at an almost 2-1 ratio. Crusaders attacks on Reincarnation territory has also been steady. More recent reports suggest that Reincarnation has made a comeback and they are nearly even now in kills. Reincarnation has also made a number of entries into Crusaders space and attacked ports and planets.

Some observers see this as a potential standoff between the two alliances. When asked about the future of this conflict, Polomor N'guchi of the Ik'Thorne Strategic Science Institute said, "Each of these alliances is strong enough to maintain continuous attacks on the other and also defend and recover quickly from said attacks. As long as neither gains a significant edge in territory, or until a truce is called, this war will continue."
that which pods you makes you stronger
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