Beerfest: The Sunday Report (12-17-06)

[Alexis]

Pyxis Study Finds Parallel Universe


Researchers from the University of Pyxis announced this week that they have found evidence of a parallel universe. The results mark the conclusion of a controversial five year study that was founded by the WQ Human and Alskant governments.

"Parallel universes are often differentiated by good and evil," remarked professor Alexander Reiskoff. "When we review some of the transmissions we were able to intercept, it's almost sensible to believe that we belong to the evil universe."

Evidence suggests that in the new universe, the Army of Cuda and the Crusaders are peaceful organizations that have banded together to battle galactic homelessness. Other transmissions also reveal parallel members of Illusion helping elderly civilians travel through dangerous sectors.

"In the parallel universe, there only seems to be one war, and that is the age old war of the Humans fighting the WQ Humans. And even then, we believe that all of the other races have banded together to negotiate peace between those enemies," continued Reiskoff.

The researches believe that nearly 90% of the other universe travels in trading ships. They reason that the remaining 10% are mostly members of Rogue Squadron who were hired by the federation to fight crime and keep the peace.

The team has received federal grant money to begin a new study that may perhaps some day communicate with this alternate universe.

"I think we have a lot to learn from these guys," expressed Reiskoff. "Who knows? Maybe they want to know a bit more about us, too."



Living in War


In the past few weeks, the Apus galaxy has been ravaged by the dogs of war. High class battleships have pounded each other, and followed up by focusing their weapons on the local planetary defenses.

Civilian trade routes have been disrupted substantially, with mine fields and fleets of rogue combat drones roaming through each sector. We asked a trader to comment:

"It's a nahtmare!, one second I'm haulin' manure up sector, then BAM! I'mma inna space pod, no dentures 'n as much manure as ah could drag into t'pod wit meh!"

Space traders are only one group among many who are being affected. Reports that stray missiles and weapon discharges are accidentally wiping out entire colonies, leaving charred craters with not even armored bunkers surviving.

So far there has been no investigation by the Federation, whose slow response to the reports has drawn massive criticism. Planetary governments have applied for the unprecedented move to press Genocide charges against the alliances responsible; Namely the Army of Cuda and Crusaders.



Apus War Continues


The battle in Apus continues to rage between Army of Cuda and the Crusaders. Crusaders constantly invade the AoC galaxy and have repeatedly gained control over select planets. Reports indicate that the Crusaders have been very territorial with their newly acquired space as well, even going so far as to threaten AoC members as they go about their business in the galaxy.

This reporter intercepted a radio transmission in Apus from one Crusader to a member of AoC.

"Get out of our galaxy!" it demanded.

It appears that the Army of Cuda is not going to hand over their territory to the Crusaders on a silver platter. They have continued to fight back against the heavy fire in an attempt to save their galaxy, with not always good results. Casualties on both sides continue to rise and this war prolongs. This reporter wants to know-When will the violence end?



Merchantball: Week 5


Though the Salvenes are winners of only one game so far this season, they were seen as a near equal match for the undefeated Thevian merchantball club. The Salvenes have fallen short by two point or fewer in all three of their losses, and they were hungry for a win. At the end of the first half, the Salvenes had already scored three single-trades and while shutting down the Thevians' usually potent offense. Kicking off the second half, the Salvene squad fired in a double-trade, taking the lead 5-0 with only a quarter remaining. However, in the last three minutes of play, the Thevians worked their magic and were able to ace two super-trades to take the lead 6-5. And that is how the game would end.

The Thevians are now 5-0, as the Salvenes fell to 1-4.

A resurgent Alskant club was ready to challenge the ferocious Ik'Thorne offense as they had just been outfitted with new Merchant Vessels by their government. Though the Alskants played off of their momentum and recent boost of rigor, their defense still crumbled beneath the foot of the Ik'Thorne power-house. The final score was 7-5 in the Ik'Thornes' favor. The Ik'Thorne team now has the only 3-2 record in the league, as the Alskants hold the top-ranked 2-3 record.

The Creonti club was hopeful with their brand new line-up after having the lowest ranking offense and defense through week four. Unfortunately for the Creontis, however, they had to test their new strategies against a powerful WQ Human line-up. Though falling short of the victory, the Creonti defense allowed only two points. The Creonti coach views this as a step in the right direction. The WQ Human win sets up a spectacular match next week against the Thevians, whom they will compete with for first place.

The Nijarins also staged an impressive victory over the Human ball club, shutting them down by a score of 5-1. Amidst a hard losing streak, the Human coach admitted that the team needed practice, and that hopefully they can make some necessary changes this week. The Nijarin victory propelled them to 2-3 with a high enough point percentage to be ranked above the Human team which is now also 2-3.

Analysts are agreeing that the Thevian and WQ Human teams are very likely to make the play-offs which are approaching. However, everything beneath those two has been so precarious that there can only be speculation at this point.