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Salvene Torture Device Hit Among Humans!


Rumors from the many corners of the universe claim that the Salvenes, in their endless quest for universal domination, have invented a new torture device. According to these gossiping traders the new Salvene torture device is called the Agonizing Death Mix. One sip of the drink, which is many times more potent than an equal volume of pure alcohol, causes a Salvene to suffer a long, agonizing death. In preparation for a planned invasion into Human space the Salvenes decided to test out this new method of torture in an effort to gather useful information. The Salvenes planned on administering the Agonizing Death Mix (ADM) via funnel to one human prisoner while other prisoners were forced to watch their unfortunate fellow Human die in agonizing pain, after which the survivors would be threatened with the same unless they talked.

Unfortunately for the Salvenes the ADM did not seem to have the same effect on Humans. In fact the Salvenes were shocked when the Humans claimed to rather like the ADM, and unintelligibly asked for more. The Salvenes were even more shocked when the Human prisoners started rambunctiously singing, telling bad jokes, and taking off their clothes. Perhaps the greatest shock of all to the Salvenes was when the Human prisoners began outrageously flirting with their captors, some of the Human's even going as far as to place (or rub) their hand's on the upper sections of their Salvenes captor's four legs, and saying that they were pretty.

In fact the drink is an instant hit among the Human's all over the universe. It is claimed to be even more potent that the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster which is said to be "like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick." However it has developed the reputation of inducing "killer hangovers" the following morning, in which the unfortunate bearer of this malady may suffer from a hemorrhaging liver, permanent brain damage, and , most commonly, bleeding from the ears.

Despite the possible horrible consequences for indulging in this drink, the ADM seems to be wildly popular among the Human populace. Salvene traders have began to ship barrels of the ADM to bars all across the universe. "We are overwhelmed with orders for this stuff, those Humans can't seem to get enough of this stuff," exclaimed one Salvene distributor of the ADM. We visited a Human bar serving the ADM and one male Human enjoying a glass of the ADM had this to say about the fashionable drink, "Iz uff iz goo...I haffin fun. I wan mo plz. Yo fery purty. Wuzz yo nam, I Seffle Walerzzz..." (upon this point the speaker fell asleep on the bar.) Later the next day this Human was observed passed out in the parking lot of the bar. When asked about how he felt about the upcoming Salvene invasion linked to the invention to the drink a naked male slurred something unintelligible which was later painstakingly translated as, "Those Salvenes are wusses, they can't even hold their own liquor. This is why we win."



Armory: Strangling the Game?


We all know the hunting alliance Armory is the talk of SMR right now. They have proven successful in disrupting alliance OPs and making every top trader fear for their lives. Their impressive slaughter is only over-shadowed by an incredibly low ten deaths. However Armory has no territory as they sell their weapons to be safe in fed or sit with their high exp cloak in some random sector.

It has come to the Galactic Post's attention that numerous people are quitting the game with only one thing to say: "I hate Armory". Now these are somewhat experienced players becoming frustrated and leaving the game. The newbies are the ones that we don't hear from and I imagine quit even faster.

With three or four Armory hunters lurking at all times waiting for a scout ping or a known trader to come on to pounce and "pwn the noobs", as Armory's leader would say, its no wonder why these innocent players would become frustrated and quit.

Is this Armory's fault? I don't believe it is they are just trying to have fun and play their game. The inactivity of this summer game is preventing other players from adapting their playing style to combat Armory's hunters. The map design for this game also provides a number of effective choke points that most people who venture into neutrals come through. Add to that having to cross a scouted (if not mined) warp into multiple galaxies to get a decent weapons setup. All of these factors are adding to Armory's dominance and instead of complaining and quitting the rest of the players should be trying to combat them. While this may help established alliances and the "vet" players new players are still going to quit after Armory kills them. What to do about the newbs is a question I cant answer but definitely needs addressing.



Hardened Crewminals: Elite Hunters or Escape Pod Stuntmen


As reports of Crewminals entering federation space all across the universe keep coming in this reporter has to ask the question; are Crewminals serious about their ops or are they just trying to find the most fashionable way to ride a pod? I, for one, would like to think they are serious but with calls of "WOOO HOOO" ringing out along all the global channels through the universe after several of their ships crashed headfirst into a wall of Fundamental Hypocrisy warbirds has me thinking they should stop bothering with the re-arms and paint some flames on their escape pods and ride it out hardcore.

Reminiscent of an Ik'Thorne on a Narc binge these Crewminals can't seem to get enough of these pod rides and the federal agents stationed at HQ's all across the universe have been dying for a show. I want to use this as an official petition to get the governments to sponsor some sort of fireworks budget at each HQ for whenever another Crewminal enters Fed Space in a spectacular style.

Yet, that hope is most probably a waste as most of the governments have been at each other's throats for quite a while now and most likely could never agree on something so universal, even for the entertainment of all. However, I am glad to report, it looks like there are some new presidents in place across several of the governments and some peace talks have finally been allowed to go through, so my dream may not be so much of a pipe-dream after all.

Ride on, Crewminals!



Interview with Incision!


This weeks interview is with Incision, who is currently in the alliance Fundamental Hypocrisy, and was the former leader of the alliance Faded Image.

GP: How long have you played SM/SMR?
Incision: I wanna say 7-8 years.

GP: What is the alliance that you have enjoyed playing for most?
Incision: Can I count the one I led?
GP:: Of course.
GP: Faded Image then?
Incision: Faded Image, of course I'm biased because I led. But when the game matters little and the number one goal is to have fun thats a real alliance.. Not to mention the 100+ pods in one planet bust when the code was all messed up.

GP: Who is your favorite player(s)?
Incision: The list is long and I will always forget people: BSKN, ric02002, mar, Target, TheF, Mike, Fal, PV, Orca{a respect vote}, Freya, Izza....list goes on forever, would be easier to ask who I don't like.
GP: Who don't you like?
Incision: Sterling, not because he's a bad player or anything near a bad person, just because he is always on the other end, and he enjoys busting my chops. Its more of a I love to hate type thing.. He needs to lead again.

GP: What is the most impressive thing you have seen an SMR player do?
Incision: Hmm another tough question..but i would say the handful of people that decide they will dedicate their time to mining and building planets, they get little rewards outside of the alliance. Maybe even armory this game, if they achieve top ten in experience, kills, and not on death list, i would be impressed, others would say easy to do, I would love to see them get it done or even stick it back to armory.

GP: What are your goals for Fundamental Hypocrisy this game?
Incision: My personal goals have already been achieved for the alliance, that does not mean we are done. I must give props to an alliance that withstands the constant attacks by multiple alliances. I have greatly enjoyed it and also throw out the challenge to everyone to come get some.

GP: What are your plans for next game?
Incision: To lead my alliance Faded Image, under the old motto of either you are having fun or leave my alliance, because this is a game it should be enjoyable. We will be highly active and be pod crazy.

GP: What are some of the things the old Faded Image accomplished?
Incision: We managed to have loads of fun, get ops every other day with 10 plus ships and duel with the games best alliance Death Control. We made some great friendships and wreaked a lil hell on the game. We have fun as an alliance but we will be like cancer to the rest, once we latch on there is no cure.

GP: Seems like that alliance is going to be fun. Who are some of the big players you have for next game?
Incision: The roster is a secretive deal, because I don't care about getting the best. I want the most active and team focused players. That doesn't mean i don't have any but thats not my goal.

GP: Do you have any suggestions to improve SMR?
Incision: My favorite is if a newbie gets a pod he shouldn't be left with only 5k cash, I bet that leads to people quitting. I don't have a good solution, but it needs to be fixed. Maybe they die and are kept in a NMV (Newbie Merchant Vessel) or something similar.

GP: Do you have any suggestions for new players?
Incision: Quit now while you still can! Lol no, this is the best game there is especially if you are after game play over graphics, it takes time to learn. And hell even a guy playing for 6+ years is considered a newbie.

GP: How much is Faded Image going to dominate next game on a scale from 1-10?
Incision: -5.
Incision: I'm a humble man, I let our actions do the talking.

GP: Would you say the magic of SMR is like the magic of a newborn baby or like the magic of Gandalf the wizard (or Harry Potter if you prefer)?
Incision: Wtf?



The GP would like to thank Incision for taking the time to interview with us, and to wish him and his alliance continued success for the duration of the game. Furthermore the GP hopes that the new Faded Image will be as successful and as fun as its predecessor.