GP Archive GPE 015

[GalacticPost]

Wal-Zapper considers Lu galaxy for new branch



The intergalactic weapons phenomenon Wal-Zapper, the infamous wholesale distributors of all forms of energy weapons, is considering opening a new branch store in the Lu galaxy. Already known as a seedy locale, Lu is home to port raiders and space pirates alike. Wal-Zapper has been known to sell dangerously unstable weapons along with fully functional lasers, allowing them to maintain low prices for traders in need of defense from the armed-to-the-teeth bandits that patrol trade routes. Recently recovered from a thermo-nuclear warhead incident which detonated in-store, and subsequently caused a nearby Class 3O2 star to super nova, Wal-Zapper hopes to revitalize itself in this new market. The dread bandit Henki-Khan, whom this reporter managed to interview just after he lost three planets in the Lu galaxy to his rival Ima Scumbaggo, stated, "Well, it sounds great to me! Do you happen to know the way to the Groagan galaxy?"


Creonti Presidential Role Continues to Switch Hands



After much debate and discussion over the Creonti political airwaves, there was strong speculation that the Creonti might finally pass several peace treaties and expand their race's right to trade outside Creonti galaxy borders. However, a single bloodless coup, led by the much criticized Saiyan, ended all peaceful discussion, as Saiyan took the position and vetoed all standing peace treaties, moving instead to attempt to declare war on the Humans. Said one Creonti council member, who wished to remain nameless, "I'm sure he's been standing too close to the laser bays, because there's something wrong with his political movements. I don't see any rhyme or reason to them!" Several other council members were seen heading to Federal space to begin placing bounties for would-be assassins to help eliminate the Saiyan problem. It appears that, at least for now, war will continue to sweep across the Creonti front.



Federal Agents Get Their Man.....



Today, Federal Agents demonstrated once again that there is no hiding place for pirates. Known as Operation Strangled Monkey, federal authorities kept the search for the criminal Ace quiet. Yet today cheers could be heard across the galaxies as news agencies reported that : Ace- (4) (Thevian) was killed by Kadger (63) (Ik'Thorne) in sector #1373 Whilst this will do nothing to help the Thevian and Ik'Thorne peace talks, numerous traders will feel safer conducting their business. No response has been seen from the underground fraternity, or from The Cleaners, but rest assured there will be one.......


Attempt to Control Alskant



As many have realized, members of The Forsaken are mining and hunting in attempt to take over the Alskant galaxy. The known locals have filed several complaints about the severe mining and scouting of their known space. On site of sector 59, the hot-spot of the galaxy, a local trader mentioned the heavy mining and hunting. "It's just impossible for me to get any trading done! The galaxy is only safe in one spot, and that is the Federal Beacons, speaking of fed, I am FED UP!" When will the madness end? When will someone step up and put the killing to an end?



Assassins Strike! Troubles in Thevian Council Ended



In a brutal attack, the notorius and widely despised ruler of the Thevian Council, the Dread Pirate Roberts, was struck down by an assassin. Reportedly employed by the Underground, Harbringer snuck up upon the arrogant and unsuspecting ruler, striking him down quickly. 7/27/2002 9:31:11 PM News from the War Front Dread Pirate Roberts (123) (Thevian) was killed by Harbringer (329) (WQ Human) in sector #1096. Celebration across the universe followed the news of his death like a wildfire, as the prospect of Peace with the Thevian race was once again possible. Yet will the new Thevian president take advantage of his opportunity? Only time shall tell.


Dreams Turn to Nightmares



Terror struck in Alskant on July 25th. The galaxy of every trader's dreams has turned into a nightmare as a group of pirates and troublemakers decended upon the galaxy like a swarm of locusts, wreacking havoc on traders and warships alike. Scores of innocent traders have fled to safety under Federation protection, as after just sixteen hours of fighting 11 innocents have lost their lives and doubled the waiting list for Escape Pod parking permits. Terrified citizens put the local government under siege demanding intervention from Federation Starships. President Mad Matt has declined to seek assistance, and rumours are circulating in the bars of Alskant, that the president is linked to the recent events. While President Mad Matt was unavailable for comment, close scrutiny of reports from eye-witnesses does seem to indicate a trend. It seems a couple of long term allies of the President - Deke Fentle and a certain unknown general - have been sighted near the epicenter of the violence in cloaked Death Cruisers. In the case of Mr. Fentle, (known heathen deity in a previous life,) sightings have been reported on 9 different occasions. Obviously no man is capable of destroying 9 spaceships in such a short period of time, so a statement is expected from the government, which will contain a sizable list of the real offenders.