Joke of the Day

[OmegaRenegade]

LMAO!

[B.O.B.]

Call us for assistance
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a Rochester hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot. The horrified nurse said, 'Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?'

The lady said, 'My phone doesn't have an eleven.'

[B.O.B.]

It has been a while. Today's joke is in the form of audio, so grab your speakers or headphones and listen up!

Prelude:

An operations manager for Jack in the Box was late for a meeting and called his boss to tell him he was running late. As he was leaving the voice mail message, he witnessed an accident and went on to provide "play by play" of the incident. This is the actual voice mail. It was forwarded so many times withing Jack in the Box, it crashed their voice mail server. Listen and enjoy.

http://home.swbell.net/kf5tv/voicemail.mp3

PS: If you were guy in the accident: Sucks to be you!

[Fatman]

LOL....pretty good

[B.O.B.]

Today's feature is a collection of true tales of inDUHviduals. Enjoy!

Working at a theater box-office ticket window poses many challenges in dealing with people.

When a disgruntled customer at a window exclaimed, "No Tickets?" What do you mean NO TICKETS?"

The women waiting on him smiled sweeting. "I'm terribly sorry, sir," she replied. "Which word didn't you understand?"

According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight.

The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign.

The vibration stopped immediately.

A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.

And finally a PC Related one:

From the Echoes-Sentines [?], Somerset County, NJ, Sept. 17, 1987:

GILLETTE RESIDENT IS ARRESTED AFTER SHOOTING HIS COMPUTER

PASSAIC TWP. -- A Gillette man was arrested at his home last Thursday night after he fired eight bullets at his home computer, according to police.

The man, Michael A. Case, 35, of 64 Summit Ave., was arrested shortly after 11 p.m., at his house, when police said they received a report that shots were fired. They arrived at the home to find a .44 Magnum automatic handgun and a shot-up IBM personal computer with a Princeton Graphics System monitor.

The monitor screen was blown out by the blasts and its inner workings were visible, Lt. Donald Van Tassel said on Monday. The computer, which had bullet holes in its hardware, was hit four times while four more bullet holes were found in various areas next to the computer, Van Tassel said.

"The only thing he (Case) said was that he was mad at his computer so he shot it," Van Tassel said.

The handgun, which the lieutenant identified as an Israeli Arms Desert Eagle .44, has "a lot of firepower," he said. "It's a big gun." Case used hollow-point, or dum-dum, bullets, he added.

Case was surprised when police arrested him because he didn't think he was breaking the law, Van Tassel said. "He couldn't understand why he couldn't shoot his own computer in his own home," Van Tassel said.

Case was charged with recklessly creating a risk and using a firearm against the property of another, because the house is reportedly owned by a relative. The walls were also damaged by the shots, according to police.

He was also charged with unlawful posession of a firearm without a permit, and with possession of illegal bullets, police said.

In addition, Case was issued to summonses, for discharging a weapon in a restricted area and for discharging a single-projectile weapon, police said.

Case spent early Friday morning in the Morris County Jail and was released later in the day on $2,500 bail, according to police.

A Municipal Court appearance is scheduled for today, Sept. 17.

[B.O.B.]

Today I am in an blond joke mood...

Q: Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it?

A: A blonde tried to shoot herself!

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

And one last one:

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After buying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable". The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, "comfortable?'"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slow. - - - -
("com-for-da-bul" )

[LotuS]

blondasaurus

[Briz]

[B.O.B.]

I feel I must revisit the bashing of OSes. So today we start out with Macs.

Top uses for a Mac:

Litter box
Doorstop
Paperweight
Anchor
Booster seat for the kids
Free-AOL-disk ruiner
Space heater (Drape some tinsel wire between the power supply and the case)
Window plant-box
use the hard drive to prop up that wobbly table leg
Newton's Law demonstrations
Assault weapon
Build an impermeable snow fort!
Lets people know you have a sense of humor
Fun with explosives
The sound the printer makes causes every dog in the neighborhood to start barking at once.
Good for throwing through windows
In case the bar stool breaks you have something hard to sit on
Garage sale week-Put a Mac in front of any competing neighbor's house. It will greatly reduce the number of people who stop at his sale.

[B.O.B.]

10 ways to tell if you might be a computer redneck:

1. The monitor is up on blocks.

2. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

3. The six front keys have rotted out.

4. The extra RAM slots have Dodge Truck parts stored in them.

5. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

6. The password is BUBBA.

7. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.

8. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

9. The keyboard is camouflaged.

10. The Mouse is referred to as a 'Critter'