Joke of the Day

[B.O.B.]

Anyone want to volunteer to help doing a clean joke of the day?

Joke Date: Sunday, 03-Apr-2005

The following joke was stolen from:

http://www.8bitjoystick.com/archives/ja ... ed_cds.php

How to Burn Xbox Games and Copy Protected CDs
By looking at my search engine hits I can tell that the one thing that dope pimps everywhere on the net want to know from me is "How to burn copy-protected games". I mean your average kid wants to know how to burn PS2 games, and how to burn Xbox games. That is a fact.

It is my duty to inform the public on how to correctly burn some copyrighted copy protected games.

I found out how to do this from this here 3l3t H4x0R site.

First you have to take the DVD that you want to burn and spit shine it so you can get it all ready to be burned.

Now it is a common misunderstanding that you need a CD-RW or a DVD-RW. Now that :D can be expensive and if you are too cheap to buy games then you are probably not going to pay for quality equipment so you have to improvise. Know what I am saying dogg?

I am using my Bling Bling Turbo Toaster with 256X Fire-Wire burning. Be careful to load the game into the read tray and insert a standard blank 700 Meg CD-R into the write tray.



Now then you kick it up to 11 and watch the BURNINATION.



You have to make sure that the drive is hot enough to burn it properly like Trogdor burninates the peasants.



Now if that is not fast enough you can use a tricked out microwave oven to burn a pirate CD game even faster. I am talking about almost real time burning.



There now we have successfully burned the games. Your average video game can cost around $3 Mil to design and program and then those greedy bastards have the nerve to charge $45!?! That is hhack! I mean it cost them a couple million bucks to make the game and you can burn it for free. Dumb game developers.

I mean you are cool and you totally deserve free games.

[B.O.B.]

The joke for today, 04-Apr-2005, was stolen from:

http://www.ahajokes.com/com007.html

Is Windows a virus?
With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.

1. Viruses replicate quickly.
Windows does this.

2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
Windows does this.

3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
Windows does this.

4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
Windows does that too.

5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
Same with Windows, yet again.

Maybe Windows really is a virus.

Nope! There is a difference!

Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! Windows is not a virus.

[B.O.B.]

Joke of the Day, 5-Apr-2005. Not sure where I found it originally but I e-mailed it to myslef awhile aback.

Definition of Windows XP:

A 64 bit upgrade to a 32-bit patch for a 16-bit GUI shell running on
top of an 8-bit operating system written for a 4-bit processor by a 2-
bit company who cannot stand 1 bit of competition (but it's better
than a Mac)!

[B.O.B.]

Well I've done Windows, Mac, and now I am in the search for Linux. I found one! It was a difficult search. Linux people are too loyal.

Stolen from another board, which stole it from another board, which stole it from who knows where:

If Linux was a car...................

M: Hey Pete, Can you help me put a radio in my Debian?

P: You're an Idiot, RTFM!

M: I need more help than that.

P: You're an idiot! I did a Google search. It's in the page
referenced by the footnote in the 37th hit. If I could find
it, so can you.

GS: (good Samaritan) You need to rebuild the engine to add a
radio.

M: Rebuild the engine?

P: You're an idiot!

GS: There's a how-to. It's written for a "Hat", but it's
mostly correct except that engine is in the rear. It's
translated from German, but they did a pretty good job. It'll
tell you to hook the radio to the red and black wires, but
since you've got a Debian, there won't be any red and black
wires. And you still need to write the radio driver. Don't
forget to regrind the camshaft. If you don't, you'll get an
error message that you don't have permission to change the
tire pressure, but it's the camshaft. You'll need a lot of
tools, but you can get them for free. Most of them come with
instructions... about 900 pages in all. Read 'em all carefully
and understand 'em before you start. Should be able to figure
it all out in a couple of months.

[MUCH LATER...]

M: Hey Pete, I didn't get all the stuff I needed to rebuild my
engine. Can I borrow your Drake again?

P: The wife has the Drake, but you can borrow the Hat.

M: This is different. Where's the steering wheel?

P: That dashboard was really using a lot of gas. This has what
is called a CLI. Just type CTRL-L to go left and CTRL-R to go
right.

M: What about the gas and brakes?

P: That's all combined into a single speed number. Just type
ps | grep speed. The headings are in Klingon, but the third
number is the one you want. Just divide by the speed of light
to get meters/second. You'll have to parse it out, calculate
the new speed and use the nice function to change the priority
of the process. That changes the speed. If you had just read
the manpage, I wouldn't have had to tell you all that.

M: Which manpage?....never mind... What if I need to stop in a
hurry?

P: Gotcha covered. There's a script for panic stops. Just type
PanicStop-3.8.63278665-HAT when=now. It will ask you for a
password. Enter the password and hang on cause you're gonna
stop real quick. I'm really proud of the deceleration
optimization routine. Be careful typing, it's case sensitive.
If it gives you a cryptic error message and doesn't stop, it's
probably because you forgot to add yourself to the brakes
group. It's all in the manpage.

M: Which manpage?....never mind...

[MUCH, MUCH LATER....]

M: I wish I hadn't sold my Gates. At least I could drive it to
town and pick up Granny....

P: You're an idiot!.....

[B.O.B.]

Today's joke of the day is on Blonds. Just remember one thing, blond is not a hair color, it is an attitude.

This was stolen from site:

I Want to Buy That
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

[B.O.B.]

Today's joke is on the topic of rednecks.

You might be a redneck if...

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

[B.O.B.]

Had a busy weekend so I didn't did joke of the day for a couple of days, but today's joke is:

The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

[Eggburt]

Paddy, the famous Irishman, is driving home after downing a few at the local
pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of
the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet
another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and discovers that his
drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to
side to avoid all the trees. Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren
and brings his car to a stop.

The officer approaches Paddy's car and asks him what on earth he was doing.

Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid
sentence and says, "Fer crissakes, Paddy, that's yer air freshener!"

[OmegaRenegade]

LOL

[Eggburt]

>> > A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the
>> > morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets
>> > up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
>> > standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
>> > "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three o'clock
>> > in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
>> >
>> > "Who was that?" asked his wife. Just some drunk guy asking for a
push,"
> he
>> > answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is three
in
> the
>> > morning and it is
>> > pouring out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his
wife.
> "Can't
>> > you remember about three months ago when we broke down in the
pouring
>> > rain
>> > and those two guys helped us?" "I think you should help him, and
you
>> > should
>> > be ashamed of yourself!"
>> > The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out
>> > into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark,
>> > "Hello, are you still there?"
>> > "Yes," comes back the answer.
>> > "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
>> > "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
>> > "Where are you?" asks the husband.
>> > "Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk...