If Microsoft Built Cars...
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles/gal". Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?".
IF MICROSOFT BUILT CARS.... Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought Car95 or CarNT. But then you would have to buy more seats.
Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but would only run on 5 percent of the roads.
The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single general car warning light.
New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
The airbag system would say "are you sure?" before going off.
If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.
If Microsoft Built Cars
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OmegaRenegade
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pwned.
From the Joke of the Day:
If Linux was a car...................
M: Hey Pete, Can you help me put a radio in my Debian?
P: You're an Idiot, RTFM!
M: I need more help than that.
P: You're an idiot! I did a Google search. It's in the page
referenced by the footnote in the 37th hit. If I could find
it, so can you.
GS: (good Samaritan) You need to rebuild the engine to add a
radio.
M: Rebuild the engine?
P: You're an idiot!
GS: There's a how-to. It's written for a "Hat", but it's
mostly correct except that engine is in the rear. It's
translated from German, but they did a pretty good job. It'll
tell you to hook the radio to the red and black wires, but
since you've got a Debian, there won't be any red and black
wires. And you still need to write the radio driver. Don't
forget to regrind the camshaft. If you don't, you'll get an
error message that you don't have permission to change the
tire pressure, but it's the camshaft. You'll need a lot of
tools, but you can get them for free. Most of them come with
instructions... about 900 pages in all. Read 'em all carefully
and understand 'em before you start. Should be able to figure
it all out in a couple of months.
[MUCH LATER...]
M: Hey Pete, I didn't get all the stuff I needed to rebuild my
engine. Can I borrow your Drake again?
P: The wife has the Drake, but you can borrow the Hat.
M: This is different. Where's the steering wheel?
P: That dashboard was really using a lot of gas. This has what
is called a CLI. Just type CTRL-L to go left and CTRL-R to go
right.
M: What about the gas and brakes?
P: That's all combined into a single speed number. Just type
ps | grep speed. The headings are in Klingon, but the third
number is the one you want. Just divide by the speed of light
to get meters/second. You'll have to parse it out, calculate
the new speed and use the nice function to change the priority
of the process. That changes the speed. If you had just read
the manpage, I wouldn't have had to tell you all that.
M: Which manpage?....never mind... What if I need to stop in a
hurry?
P: Gotcha covered. There's a script for panic stops. Just type
PanicStop-3.8.63278665-HAT when=now. It will ask you for a
password. Enter the password and hang on cause you're gonna
stop real quick. I'm really proud of the deceleration
optimization routine. Be careful typing, it's case sensitive.
If it gives you a cryptic error message and doesn't stop, it's
probably because you forgot to add yourself to the brakes
group. It's all in the manpage.
M: Which manpage?....never mind...
[MUCH, MUCH LATER....]
M: I wish I hadn't sold my Gates. At least I could drive it to
town and pick up Granny....
P: You're an idiot!.....
If Linux was a car...................
M: Hey Pete, Can you help me put a radio in my Debian?
P: You're an Idiot, RTFM!
M: I need more help than that.
P: You're an idiot! I did a Google search. It's in the page
referenced by the footnote in the 37th hit. If I could find
it, so can you.
GS: (good Samaritan) You need to rebuild the engine to add a
radio.
M: Rebuild the engine?
P: You're an idiot!
GS: There's a how-to. It's written for a "Hat", but it's
mostly correct except that engine is in the rear. It's
translated from German, but they did a pretty good job. It'll
tell you to hook the radio to the red and black wires, but
since you've got a Debian, there won't be any red and black
wires. And you still need to write the radio driver. Don't
forget to regrind the camshaft. If you don't, you'll get an
error message that you don't have permission to change the
tire pressure, but it's the camshaft. You'll need a lot of
tools, but you can get them for free. Most of them come with
instructions... about 900 pages in all. Read 'em all carefully
and understand 'em before you start. Should be able to figure
it all out in a couple of months.
[MUCH LATER...]
M: Hey Pete, I didn't get all the stuff I needed to rebuild my
engine. Can I borrow your Drake again?
P: The wife has the Drake, but you can borrow the Hat.
M: This is different. Where's the steering wheel?
P: That dashboard was really using a lot of gas. This has what
is called a CLI. Just type CTRL-L to go left and CTRL-R to go
right.
M: What about the gas and brakes?
P: That's all combined into a single speed number. Just type
ps | grep speed. The headings are in Klingon, but the third
number is the one you want. Just divide by the speed of light
to get meters/second. You'll have to parse it out, calculate
the new speed and use the nice function to change the priority
of the process. That changes the speed. If you had just read
the manpage, I wouldn't have had to tell you all that.
M: Which manpage?....never mind... What if I need to stop in a
hurry?
P: Gotcha covered. There's a script for panic stops. Just type
PanicStop-3.8.63278665-HAT when=now. It will ask you for a
password. Enter the password and hang on cause you're gonna
stop real quick. I'm really proud of the deceleration
optimization routine. Be careful typing, it's case sensitive.
If it gives you a cryptic error message and doesn't stop, it's
probably because you forgot to add yourself to the brakes
group. It's all in the manpage.
M: Which manpage?....never mind...
[MUCH, MUCH LATER....]
M: I wish I hadn't sold my Gates. At least I could drive it to
town and pick up Granny....
P: You're an idiot!.....
SGT Johnson, B.O.B.
Countries Visited: Afghanistan, Italy, Iraq, Kuwait, Kyrgyzstan
Countries Lay Over: Germany, Ireland, Turkey
Countries Visited: Afghanistan, Italy, Iraq, Kuwait, Kyrgyzstan
Countries Lay Over: Germany, Ireland, Turkey
side notes...B.O.B. wrote:From the Joke of the Day:
If Linux was a car...................
M: Hey Pete, Can you help me put a radio in my Debian?
P: You're an Idiot, RTFM!
M: I need more help than that.
P: You're an idiot! I did a Google search. It's in the page
referenced by the footnote in the 37th hit. If I could find
it, so can you.
GS: (good Samaritan) You need to rebuild the engine to add a
radio.
M: Rebuild the engine?
P: You're an idiot!
GS: There's a how-to. It's written for a "Hat", but it's
mostly correct except that engine is in the rear. It's
translated from German, but they did a pretty good job. It'll
tell you to hook the radio to the red and black wires, but
since you've got a Debian, there won't be any red and black
wires. And you still need to write the radio driver. Don't
forget to regrind the camshaft. If you don't, you'll get an
error message that you don't have permission to change the
tire pressure, but it's the camshaft. You'll need a lot of
tools, but you can get them for free. Most of them come with
instructions... about 900 pages in all. Read 'em all carefully
and understand 'em before you start. Should be able to figure
it all out in a couple of months.
[MUCH LATER...]
M: Hey Pete, I didn't get all the stuff I needed to rebuild my
engine. Can I borrow your Drake again?
P: The wife has the Drake, but you can borrow the Hat.
M: This is different. Where's the steering wheel?
P: That dashboard was really using a lot of gas. This has what
is called a CLI. Just type CTRL-L to go left and CTRL-R to go
right.
M: What about the gas and brakes?
P: That's all combined into a single speed number. Just type
ps | grep speed. The headings are in Klingon, but the third
number is the one you want. Just divide by the speed of light
to get meters/second. You'll have to parse it out, calculate
the new speed and use the nice function to change the priority
of the process. That changes the speed. If you had just read
the manpage, I wouldn't have had to tell you all that.
M: Which manpage?....never mind... What if I need to stop in a
hurry?
P: Gotcha covered. There's a script for panic stops. Just type
PanicStop-3.8.63278665-HAT when=now. It will ask you for a
password. Enter the password and hang on cause you're gonna
stop real quick. I'm really proud of the deceleration
optimization routine. Be careful typing, it's case sensitive.
If it gives you a cryptic error message and doesn't stop, it's
probably because you forgot to add yourself to the brakes
group. It's all in the manpage.
M: Which manpage?....never mind...
[MUCH, MUCH LATER....]
M: I wish I hadn't sold my Gates. At least I could drive it to
town and pick up Granny....
P: You're an idiot!.....
Linux dosn't use ctlr+L/R for functionality. also --when=now would be used.
remember you must quote for spaces...
car --when="5 minutes" engine stop
also...
car --now breaks halt
stop is not used in cricial cases, halt is used.
you would also need to note stoping the engine does not mean the car is off.
pkill car
actualy turns the car off in the conventional way you think of, the rest are loading/unloading of modules or changing the mode.