what did Jesus say when the devil sneaked into heaven???
"OMG HAX!"
Joke
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under you vehicle... From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
Forrest: I ran for three years, two months, fourteen days and sixteen hours. When I was hungry, I ate. When I was tired, I slept. When I had to go, you know, I went!
AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
All Un-informed Drivers Insulted
All Unnecessary Devices Installed
BMW
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
DODGE
Dumb Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
FORD
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
GM
General Maintenance
GMC
Garage Man's Companion
HONDA
Had One Never Did Again
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else.
Hated Old Noisy Damaged Auto
HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive?
MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment
SAAB
Send Another Automobile Back
TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
VW
Virtually Worthless
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
All Un-informed Drivers Insulted
All Unnecessary Devices Installed
BMW
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
DODGE
Dumb Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
FORD
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
GM
General Maintenance
GMC
Garage Man's Companion
HONDA
Had One Never Did Again
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else.
Hated Old Noisy Damaged Auto
HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive?
MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment
SAAB
Send Another Automobile Back
TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
VW
Virtually Worthless
Forrest: I ran for three years, two months, fourteen days and sixteen hours. When I was hungry, I ate. When I was tired, I slept. When I had to go, you know, I went!
-
Alexis
- Quiet One
- Posts: 115
- Joined: Fri Aug 13, 2004 7:41 pm
- Location: Indianapolis, IN, United States
How many authors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: One to screw it into place, and the other to throw in a surprise twist at the end! *rim-shot*
OK that was bad. Let's try again. ^^;;
So a 3rd grade class was returning to their classroom after recess. The teacher asked Suzy, "What did you do at recess?" Suzy replied, "I played in the sandbox!" The teacher responded, "Oh excellent! If you can come up here and spell 'sand' on the board, I'll give you a cookie!" So Suzy goes to the board and successfully spells "sand" on the board and receives her cookie.
The teacher turns to Jack and asks, "What did you do at recess?" Jack replied, "I played in the sandbox with Suzy!" The teacher responded, "Oh excellent! If you can come up here and spell 'box' on the board, I'll give you a cookie!" So Jack goes to the board and successfully spells "box" on the board and receives his cookie.
Finally, the teacher turns to Abduhl Achmed and asks, "What did you do at recess?" and Abduhl Achmed replies, "Well I wanted to play in the sandbox with Jack and Suzy, but they wouldn't let me!" The teacher responds, "That's terrible! That's racial discrimination! If you come up here and spell 'racial discrimination on the board, I'll give you a cookie!"
Two: One to screw it into place, and the other to throw in a surprise twist at the end! *rim-shot*
OK that was bad. Let's try again. ^^;;
So a 3rd grade class was returning to their classroom after recess. The teacher asked Suzy, "What did you do at recess?" Suzy replied, "I played in the sandbox!" The teacher responded, "Oh excellent! If you can come up here and spell 'sand' on the board, I'll give you a cookie!" So Suzy goes to the board and successfully spells "sand" on the board and receives her cookie.
The teacher turns to Jack and asks, "What did you do at recess?" Jack replied, "I played in the sandbox with Suzy!" The teacher responded, "Oh excellent! If you can come up here and spell 'box' on the board, I'll give you a cookie!" So Jack goes to the board and successfully spells "box" on the board and receives his cookie.
Finally, the teacher turns to Abduhl Achmed and asks, "What did you do at recess?" and Abduhl Achmed replies, "Well I wanted to play in the sandbox with Jack and Suzy, but they wouldn't let me!" The teacher responds, "That's terrible! That's racial discrimination! If you come up here and spell 'racial discrimination on the board, I'll give you a cookie!"