Chuck Norris

Skarlet · Post by **Skarlet** » Fri Jun 08, 2007 6:16 am

Chuck Norris use to do his laundry in the ocean. But he had to stop because the tsunami's were killing people.

Kard · Post by **Kard** » Fri Jun 08, 2007 1:00 pm

chucknorrisfacts.com kinda old but some still dont know about it, so dont make fun.

my absolute fav from that site

"Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. "

Post by **B.O.B.** » Fri Jun 08, 2007 4:43 pm

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Shtoopid · Post by **Shtoopid** » Fri Jun 08, 2007 7:09 pm

The Dinosaurs looked wrong at Chuck Norris once, and ONLY once!

Sivarticusiii · Post by **Sivarticusiii** » Fri Jun 08, 2007 10:18 pm

Chuck Norris likes knitting sweaters. And by knitting, I mean kicking. And by sweaters, I mean babies.

Smor · Post by **Smor** » Sat Jun 09, 2007 2:01 pm

In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Purify · Post by **Purify** » Sat Jun 09, 2007 5:56 pm

WHAT???? Everyone knows Jack Bauer > Chuck Norris:

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Jack Bauer would meanwhile do something important.

If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

When Jack Bauer is looking for a good laugh, he watches Chuck Norris work out on his Total Gym.

Chuck Norris may have divided by zero, but Jack Bauer can divide you in half.

Chuck Norris wears a beard to hide the scar Jack Bauer gave him.

DarthNihilus · Post by **DarthNihilus** » Sat Jun 09, 2007 6:09 pm

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

When Chuck Norris played SMR he roundhouse kicked the computer and everyone took a pod ride.

Sufex · Post by **Sufex** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 1:51 am

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Post by **DWill** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 12:50 am

Purify wrote:WHAT???? Everyone knows Jack Bauer > Chuck Norris:

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Jack Bauer would meanwhile do something important.

If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

When Jack Bauer is looking for a good laugh, he watches Chuck Norris work out on his Total Gym.

Chuck Norris may have divided by zero, but Jack Bauer can divide you in half.

Chuck Norris wears a beard to hide the scar Jack Bauer gave him.

I don't know

Chuck Norris once invited all of the other bad****s from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme bad***. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.

MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.

Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.