Math, Physics, Philosophy

[Hobbs]

The physics department head at a major university approaches the Dean one afternoon.

"Sir! We need more money! Our atom smashers are like 2 years old now, and we need new computers! We can't work like this!", he says.

The Dean replies, "Why can't you be more like the math department!? All they need is paper, pencils, and waste paper baskets! Hell, why can't you be more like the philosophy department! They don't even need waste paper baskets!"

[Hobbs]

There's a physicist, engineer, and mathematician each placed 16 feet from a beautiful woman. They are told that the can only approach her in half the distance at a time. The mathematician realizes quickly that he will never reach her. The physicist, after some long, yet careful, calculations, realizes he too will never reach the woman. The engineer ticks off in his head, 16, 8, 4, 2, 1, 6 inches... "Close enough for practical purposes."

[DWill]

The physicist, after some long, yet careful, calculations, realizes he too will never reach the woman.

Pffff everyone knows physicists are smarter than mathematicians . Well at least I know what Zeno's paradox is without having to think about it.

[Harry Krishna]

Aristotle, Plato and Descartes are on a plane. The flight attendant comes by to take their drink orders. She asks Aristotle if he'd like a beverage. Aristotle says, "I'll have a ginger ale."

"And how about you, Mr. Plato?"

Plato says "Diet Coke, please."

She says, "and Mr. Descartes, anything to drink for you?"

Descartes says, "I think not," and disappears.

[Hobbs]

An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician (it is said) were holidaying in Scotland. Glancing from a train window, they observed a black sheep in the middle of a field.

"How interesting," observed the astronomer, "all scottish sheep are black!"

To which the physicist responded, "No, no! Some Scottish sheep are black!"

The mathematician gazed heavenward in supplication, and then intoned, "In Scotland there exists at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which is black."

This one I knew, but my wording wasn't quite as good, so I grabbed it from some site online.

[DWill]

A farmer wants to hire a brainy type to construct a new farm for him. He selects a physicist and a mathematician and decides to test them. He gives each a hundred meters of fencing and asks them to construct a fence that will enclose the maximum possible area.
The physicist decides that this is easy, whips out his calculator, figures out the radius of a circle with 100m circoumference and builds the fence, confident that he cannot be beaten.
Everyone watches in amazement as the mathematician snips off about a meter of fencing and builds a tiny little fence around himself. He then beams triumphantly and announces, "I declare myself to be on the outside of the fence."

I like these jokes.

**Edit** circoumference is intentionally spelled wrong because the curse filter makes it circumference

[Harry Krishna]

A man is praying to God. "Lord," he prays, "is it true that to you, a million years is but a second?"

"Yes," the Lord says, "that is true."

"Well, then, what is a million dollars to you?"

"A million dollars to me is but a penny."

"Ah, then, Lord," says the man. "May I have a penny?"

"Of course," says the Lord. "Just a second."

[seldum]

circumference, circumstance, accumulate
circ umference, circ umstance, accu mulate

kinda lame if you ask me