New home page game description

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Harry Krishna
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New home page game description

Post by Harry Krishna » Wed Dec 07, 2011 7:21 am

I was reading over the text description on the home page. I remember it was re-worked a while back, but reading it now it just doesn't make sense. It's creative and it tells a story but in my opinion it is too long and it doesn't really describe what goes on in the game. It seems like the game description should briefly tell what the game is about, maybe something about the goals of the game, or something about what players do in the game. I don't know if this is the right place for it, but I've reworked a version for you all to review:
It is a time of great interstellar turmoil....

The decline of the Galactic Federation, which served for centuries as a glowing bastion of peace, freedom, and prosperity, has given way to a rising tide of corruption and organized crime. Trade lanes are unsafe even in the most well populated areas. Pirates disrupt the free flow of cash and goods to local economies. Organized gangs have laid claim to entire planets and control the most lucrative ports by threat of violence. Black market goods are sold in the open without fear.

Sensing that the Federation has lost its grip on power, the eight known races have split off and formed independent governments. The presidents and their councils guide the flow of weapons and trade in a bid to retain economic control and keep their people safe. Despite these efforts, violence and desperation continues to escalate.

This is the universe you find yourself in.

Space Merchant Realms is a game of speed, skill, and strategy. To make it to the top ranks, it takes a combination of leadership, persistence, courage, and cooperation. Will you quest for riches as a tradeship captain? Or seek fame and glory as an alliance fleet commander? Is the life of a pirate what you are after? Where will your destiny take you?
Something like that...
Last edited by Harry Krishna on Thu Dec 08, 2011 2:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
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RCK
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Re: New home page game description

Post by RCK » Wed Dec 07, 2011 12:19 pm

Damn, i like it

Good to have you back HK :)

Jester-
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Re: New home page game description

Post by Jester- » Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:15 pm

Page put this up NAO! lol
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Incognito
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Re: New home page game description

Post by Incognito » Thu Dec 08, 2011 2:10 am

RCK wrote:Damn, i like it

Good to have you back HK :)
x2
Jester- wrote:Page put this up NAO! lol
x10
I+N+C+O+G+N+I+T+O=Not you

I took a calculated risk. Unfortunately, I am bad at math.

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